Chapter 50.

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Trigger Warning.

"I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we're bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
"Run, run, lost boy, " they say to me
Away from all of reality"



Age 7.

There's a butterfly at my window again, they come to see me everyday, they're so pretty

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There's a butterfly at my window again, they come to see me everyday, they're so pretty.

I sit at my window, folding my hands underneath my chin on the windowsill as I stare at it through the glass.

I wish I was a butterfly.

I learnt in school that they start out as a caterpillar, and then they make a cocoon and when they come out they're a butterfly, it's like magic.

If I was a butterfly, everything would be gentle just like them, I could be gentle too, nothing would hurt.

I think maybe I'm still a caterpillar.

And then one day, I can become a butterfly, I can change, I can be better than I am now, I can be a good boy, not the bad one they say I am.

Maybe then I could fly away from here.

I watched Peter Pan yesterday, I love Peter Pan.

I wish he was real, I wish he could come take me away, then I could be a lost boy too.

The the monster couldn't get me.

I hear those heavy footsteps coming up the hallway and I freeze, I hate those footsteps, I never know what they mean.

My heart stops when they stop in front of my door, and I just keep staring out the window, hoping today isn't as bad as yesterday, or all the days before that.

I tried really hard to be good, so I didn't make him angry, I really did, I really really tried hard today.

I hear my door knob turn, I hold my breath as I hear it creak open and watch as the butterfly flutters around my window before flying away.

I wish I could go with you.


The deep voice that gives me nightmares echoes around my room, and I'm too scared to turn around.

"You look at me when I'm talking to you boy" he snaps, and I jolt, feeling my hands start to shake.

I turn slowly, swallowing, trying not to show him that I'm scared, he gets more angry at me when I'm scared.

When I look at him, and see those same eyes, my stomach drops. He's angry again.

He looks like he hates me, why does he hate me so much? I try really hard, I really do.

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