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Chapter 39

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- Joe's POV-

The counselor called me in first. I was glad, knowing I would be able to get it over with. After the support group I didn't trust these counselor like people anymore. But I decided to be honest and give this guy a chance. After all, it was for Caspar now.

"What are your feelings for Caspar?" He asked, not looking me in the eye. I awkwardly looked around the room, not wanting to look at him if he wasn't looking at me.

"Well I mean, I'm in love with him. Ive never felt this strongly for anyone." I said truthfully.

"It's his thoughts about me I'm scared of. After talking a little to him I feel maybe I've changed too much for him to love me. I still have strong feelings for him. But unless he feels the same way for my new personality our relationship can't grow."

He nodded, while jotting down notes on a notebook angled so I couldn't see what he was writing.

"Do you ever think he's annoying? Or rude?"

I laughed, "He can act a bit annoying sometimes, but I love that side of him too."

He nodded silently.

"So um. What should I do? I literally have no idea." I said, lightly tapping my foot on the floor. I couldn't help but be nervous, it felt so awkward sharing personal information with a stranger.

"Don't tell him how you feel," his eyes still remained fixated on his notebook, "You'd only scare him off. Stay quiet."

That wasn't what I wanted to hear, "So how... How would the relationship grow then?"

His eyes met mine. Finally. The split second he looked at me I couldn't help but look away. He looked almost... disgusted of me? I was probably sounding needy and clingy.

"That won't happen for months. It's Caspar's time now. If you'll follow me out."

That was it? I was surprised at this guys tactics but his ratings were sublime so I trust his judgement over mine. I walked out the door, almost in daze, still processing the conversation.

I smiled at Caspar as I passed him by. I wanted to talk to him, but I decided against it.


After the appointment Caspar and I went back to the flat and sat on the couch as we began to play FIFA.

"So what did you talk about?" Caspar asked casually.

"I'd rather not talk about it." I needed to hide my feelings.

"Oh." I could hear the hurt behind his voice. We told each other almost everything. It felt odd keeping it secret.

"Joe do you even want to be in a relationship? Or try to be in one?"

Yes. Yes I do. But I can't reveal my feelings yet according to the counselor. I bit my lip to keep any words from slipping out and shrugged.

"I guess we really do work better as friends...."

I almost chocked. So Caspar's true feelings were coming out. He only wanted to be friends. I was right. I had changed too much. I swallowed my sadness and nodded.

"Whatever you say Caspar."

"Yeah..." He sighed awkwardly. I didn't know how to respond.

"So we're still going to keep going right?" If he said no, I'd spill out all my feelings. If he said yes, I'd wait so that I could continue getting the counselors advice.

"Yeah, sure." Caspar didn't sound that into it, but I didn't argue.

"Anyways, I'm tired," He faked a yawn, "Goodnight Joe." His face was cold as stone. I wanted to see his usual emotions. The smiling emotions. I wanted any of his emotions plastered on his face, but he showed nothing.

He Loves Me... Not? || Jaspar Fanfic (Caspar lee x Joe Sugg)Read this story for FREE!