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"These ain't raindrops in my eyes
Just look at me, now
I've been cryin' because I love you
I wonder why can't you see"

***

"So your dad heard everything?" Harry says looking pale, with his forehead resting in his hands from his elbows rested on his knees, sat next to me on the couch.

"Well... not everything" I try to reassure him, patting his back.

"I'm never going to be able to look him in the face again" he says sounding sickly.

"Harry, honestly, it's fine" I tell him, leaning down to try and catch his eyesight.

"That sort of thing doesn't bother him, he finds it funny - trust me, embarrassing both of us made his day. We practically gave him an early Christmas present"

Dad left to go to North Carolina about an hour ago, had a friend pick him up to catch up with before he went to the airport, and spent the rest of the time he was here making subtle innuendo remarks that flew straight over Harrys head.

Harry looks at me mortified "How does he find it funny Joey? It was the first day he met me! And you have a girlfriend!"

I lift my brows, sighing "Well, actually, that has probably made him like you even more - he can't stand Dylan"

Harrys face drops "Does literally anyone in your life actually like her?"

I chew on my lip, frowning "Uhm. She just has a bit of an abrasive personality, that's all"

Harry gives me a flat stare, calling bullshit "Yeah Joey. I'm sure that's why everyone that cares about you doesn't like her"

I frown deeper, looking at my lap. They just don't understand, that's all.

"You said last night... That Dylan wouldn't care about what happened, you said you'd explain. I need you to explain it now" he says, trying to keep his voice gentle, but I know the subject of Dylan when it comes to me irritates him.

He thinks I don't notice, but I do.

I knew this was coming, just didn't think it would be right now.

I shift uncomfortably, keeping my eyes on my lap "It's nothing really, it's just how she is"

Harry shifts closer to me, ducking his head down to try and look at my face "Not gonna cut it this time Joey, you said you'd explain, so explain"

I clear my throat, feeling it tighten. I hate talking about this, it shatters me. It's why I never think about it.

If the one person that wanted me, told me I wasn't enough, that I wasn't worth not hurting, then how was I meant to feel any differently about myself.

I blow out a hard breath, picking at my nails "Well.... God I don't even know how to explain this"

"Just try" he urges, placing his hand on the small of my back and tracing circles around it with his thumb.

I pull my lips to the side, trying to fight the urge they have to tremble. I don't know why this triggers so much emotion in me so quickly, but it always has, it just hurts.

"About a year an a half after Dylan and I started dating... Uhm" I clear my throat again, glancing to see his brows knitted together in concern as he listens.

"She told me that, she wasn't a monogamous person...that she had tried to be, with me, and it just wasn't who she was..." I start to explain quietly.

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