His eyes are the most beautiful thing about him. Bright blue that reminds me of the ocean. He is just so gorgeous and adorable. I love him with all my heart. It was only 7:30 p.m. when we both decided to go downstairs. We made our way to the living room, settling down on the couch together. Aaron and Corey are playing rocket league together in the gaming room, yelling like always. Colby pressed into me gently, tucking his arm away from the world. He was embarrassed by his actions, understandably so.
"Colby... What do you think would've happened to us with we never met?"
"I don't know... I don't even want to think about what would happen if we never met." He responded truthfully. I have this feeling that Colby would be underneath the ground if we never met which makes me have mixed emotions. I knew he had struggled with depression before and I obviously know he has cut in his past. Why he struggled with depression is something I don't know.
"What do you think would happen if we never met?" Colby's soft voice brought me out of my thoughts.
"I don't know."
"You are a terrible liar Sam." Colby picked up on my lie and called me out on it.
"He is literally the only person who can tell I'm lying and calls me out on it."
"I don't really want to discuss what I think would happen if we didn't meet. I don't want you to know" The last bit of words slipped out before I had a chance to think. I instantly tried to correct myself, feeling like I just insulted Colby.
"Sam, it's fine. I don't really care if you want to tell me or not." Colby dulling mumbled. Colby must've felt a little hurt by the way he spoke but he would never admit to it. Guilt picked at me, wanting to make sure Colby knows that I can talk to him. Instead of talking, I just watched Colby fidget with his rings. He was focused on his rings, most likely thinking about things he shouldn't be thinking about.
"My ass hurts Sam." Colby broke the silence, probably not liking how we didn't speak.
"And? What am I suppose to do about that?" I laughed, knowing what he meant by that. He shrugged in response. I rolled my eyes then planted a kiss on his cheek.
"He is so precious. How am I supposed to protect him?"
It is true though, my ass hurts but I'm also tired from the excitement I recently had. This day is just a little off, to me at least. A few hours ago I had broken my promise to Sam and cut myself again. Then I cried with Sam before me and him did some stuff. Now we are talking, acting like nothing happened earlier today. I just feel so confused and disappointed with myself. I lean against Sam, tiredness gripping onto me.
"Sam doesn't trust you. That's why he won't tell you what he thinks."
I felt Sam play with my hair, like usual.
"You are a complete failure. I can't believe you are still alive. You could've ended it all when you had the knife. Yet you are still here, being a miserable, disgusting person you are."
My thoughts are so true though and I don't want to agree with them but I do. The only reason I don't open up to Sam is because I don't want to hurt him anymore.
"If you didn't scream for help, you wouldn't be here."
I shuddered at the thought. I almost died and I never want to think about that ever again. Half of me wished that I died but the other half is glad that I was saved.
"Colby... You know you are the most amazing person I've ever met, right?" Sam. I felt relieved he broke my thoughts. I bit my lip, unsure what to say. I want to say yes but doubt prevented me from saying anything. Sam noticed my struggle for response and me fidgeting a lot, so he gentle rubbed my back. He does this when I get all fidgety, nervous or upset.
"Why must everything always be a struggle with you?"
"I have no clue Sammy." It took me a moment to get back to Sam. Appreciating that Sam was trying to help me, I snuggle up to him. I appreciate Sam so much that I don't even know how to thank him anymore. Sam being the understanding person he is, knew how much I appreciate him and kissed me gently.
"I love you."
"I love you too Sammy."
YOU ARE READING
Colby is broken. His thoughts are getting to him, eating him alive. Sam and Colby get into a fight. Colby wants to tell him that he loves him more than a friend. Will the Sam and Colby ever been the same again?