Hurting

Relapse

                                                                             Trigger warning

Colby was engulfed in thoughts that frightened him. He couldn't think properly. All he knew was that he was holding a knife to his arm. I was sick of my guilt and how much I criticized myself over everything. No, I wasn't going to end my life but I am going to harm myself. The blade that pressed into my skin was now being dragged across my skin.
"Why don't I just keep doing this? It feels so god damn good."
Blooding seeping at the wounds I created. I kept doing it until I felt satisfied. Fourteen fresh cuts bled as I placed the knife on my arm again, ready for a little more. What I missed was Sam had opened my door to check on me but to his horror he saw the knife against my skin.
"COLBY!" He shrieked. I whipped around to face him so fast that I dropped the knife. Panicked I tried to speak to Sam but I just kept on stuttering.
"Grab the knife. Grab the knife so you can just slit your wrists right now and die. The you don't have to feel guilty." Making a quick decision, I dived for the knife. Picking it up before Sam had a chance to move. Before I had made anymore moves, Sam's body slammed into me. Sam grabbed the knife I was holding and jerked it away from me.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Sam hissed sharply. I didn't bother responding, knowing that there is no way I can get out of this situation.
"God damnit Colby! What the actual fuck are you doing?!" Sam was so angry, he was shaking. A painful slap to my face is what I got when I didn't respond. Shocked that Sam slapped me, I felt myself crumble. A moment after he'd slapped me, he gripped tightly to me.
"Please Colby.... Just talk to me." He cried, still holding on to me.
"I'm sorry.... Oh Sam..... I - I don't know w - what I was thinking." I chocked out, terrified what I've done.

Sam's pov
Colby felt so fragile, I was afraid to let go of him. I'm afraid that if I let go of him, he'll just disappear. I want him to know how much I really care for him. He is everything I have. Without Colby, I'm nothing. I need him and he needs me. I am so worried for Colby's mental health that I don't even want to leave the house in case something happens. I'm so afraid to find him dead that I never want to leave his side. He is my entire world.
"I thought you were getting better."
"I'm so sorry Sam. God I'm such a disappointment..." His grip weakened
"No, Colby. You are not a disappointment. Please don't think you are a disappointment cause in my eyes, you are the most amazing person I've ever known." I pulled him closer to me if it was even possible and played with his hair. He sighed, trying to believe what I said. I got up and pulled Colby up with me. I held onto his wrist, making sure he couldn't escape. The blood on his arm was starting to dry but a few other spots still remained wet. Carefully examining Colby's arm, I took notice on the damage he has done. I dragged him to the bathroom, cleaning his arm up then bandaging it. He only flinched a few times and tried to pull away from me once.
"You didn't cut anywhere else?"
"No...." Colby was so quiet, it scared me. I mean he is more of a quiet person but not this quiet. He seemed lost in thoughts. I could see how much he was hurting. Every inch of me wanted to know what Colby was thinking. He must've noticed that I was also lost in thoughts and ever so gently touched my face.
"Sam...? Look at me." Before I even looked at him, his lips crashed into mine. His lips are so soft and sweet, it almost makes me envious. Before I knew what was happening, we were stumbling back into his bedroom. Forgetting everything that happened, I pushed Colby onto his bed.
"This man is such a fuckboy. I love it." 
I smiled at Colby who smiled back. I got on top of him, kissing him softly. Colby is so gentle with every move he did that it made me horny. I have this thing for gentle, caring people and Colby is definitely one of those people. Not to mention but he so definitely not a dominant type. He always acts like he is a dominant person but he really isn't. I mean he sure can be when he wants to but he is more of gentler type.
"Like seriously, how could anyone hate him? How can he hate himself? He is the most sweetest, lovable, gentlest person you could ever meet. I love him so much, I don't know what I would do with myself without him."