read further and find out. I could also picture the event clearly in my mind. The tension
building was also great. The pacing was not rushed but allows the reader the time to take in
all that's happening without it becoming overwhelming. Just a suggestion, maybe put the last
part onto the next chapter to create a really good cliffhanger. Will she be able to do it? It'd be
a good chapter ender.
I expected a bit more shock or surprise from the main character instead of being an instant
believer of what Satan had done, thanking him in her mind and all that. Maybe conflict as to
whether she had made the right decision or not. Not to mention, she was easily too
comfortable with him in the next scenes. I understand that he has some kind of calming
presence but then again, not even an internal battle in Iris? The flashback was incorporated
into the scene well in this chapter. It wasn't out of place and did not interrupt the flow of the
story despite being a trip to the past.
Main Characters: 8/10
Iris was a strong, curious girl. Just that she was too accepting, naive and had move on pretty
fast from her depression ( I mean can you really bounce back that quick?) but aside that I
like her character. Meanwhile, I perceived Lara as caring and kind. The guilt of the accident
weighed her down too but I like to believe she stood by her best friend because she loves
her as well. She seemed like she will be important in the chapters to come and I hope she
doesn't conveniently vanish later just to close the loopholes in the story. Lucifer, I like your
take on his character though it somehow deviates from what I have envisioned. Maybe it's
just my personal bias. He was less cunning in here, not much witty remarks or
memorable/shining moments. He was really soft and kind but maybe that was just because
he's always around Iris. I kind of crave that cruel, ruthless side of him that'll really be good in
contrast to how he acts when he's with her. I don't quite see the 'never cross me or you'll
pay' vibe that is considering that he's king.
Activity of the Writer: 9/10
The author replies to feedback/comments on the story as well as to some on her
So far, the story is interesting. There was substantial action every chapter but the actual
progression of the plot kinda slowed down a bit from chapter 4 onwards. It was not so slow
to be a drag but compared to the first three it was slow. The deal with Lucifer, as I've
mentioned earlier, is still a puzzle to me. The choices he presented to Iris sounds sketchy as
in no universe would a soul and courtship be equal. What was the purpose of the choices?
Worldbuilding needs a bit of improvement too. There was no clear picture of what the world
they live in was like aside from the few details you've written which was necessary/incident
to a few scenes.
The story was great. It was interesting and I could get no clear guess of what is to come for
the characters. It could play out in all kinds of directions and that makes readers want to
read further. My only advice, aside from those mentioned above, is that to edit the errors -
grammar and spelling - you have made in there.
This is just my opinion. A single person's point of view. Please know that the things I pointed
out are not flat out negativity but rooms for improvement. Also, please feel free to ask
questions if you have any. Thank you for trusting me!
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