The usual silence that filled these moments ensued. Neither of them speaking a word, too afraid to contradict each other's opinions. "Dan?" Chris asked uneasily. When no response came from his friend, he continued unwillingly. "I still don't think this is good idea." Dan snapped his head in Chris' direction, as if he had just insulted his great ancestors. "What do you mean! I have never thought of an idea that could work out better than this!" "That's what you said last time. And the time before that, and the time before that. And each time, we come out hurt, or exiting a jail cell."
Chris didn't give too much thought into what he was saying, since his attempts to knock some sense into Dan were usually futile. "Minions don't contradict their authority Chris." Dan huffed, like all of the responsibility in the world had been bestowed upon his shoulders. "For the last time, I am NOT your minion. I am a free citizen of the United States. And somehow still your friend. And if you want to keep it that way, don't call me minion." Chris protested through his slowly gritting teeth. "Well I am a free citizen of the United States too. And therefore I have the constitutional right to address you as whatever I please." Dan spat, crossing his arms in the process. "That doesn't even make any sense." Chris murmured, feeling Dan's hateful eyes boring into the side of his head.
Silence fell on them again, and Dan shifted uncomfortably in his car seat. "Now. Did you bring the acid?" A usual conversation starter from the small man. Chris stayed silent, pretending to concentrate on the road harder than he should have." "Chris!" Dan yelled, getting irritated that he was being ignored. Chris squinted his eyes on the road even harder. "Chris! If you keep looking at the road like that, you're bound to dismember it with your eyes!" Dan screamed. Chris continued to ignore Dan as much as he could. "Don't you ignore me monkey!" He got up and close to his face, his hot breath hitting him. "Now did you or did you not bring the acid!" Dan was now yelling in Chris's ear, making Chris wince at the piercing sounds. "NO Dan. I did not BRING the acid!" Chris reluctantly spat, his teeth gritting even harder. "Oh come on!" Dan slammed himself back into the passenger seat. The seat belt, that had been stretched to an extreme length from Dan getting up too far from his seat, snapped back in his direction. It Sapping him across the face and chest, making an audible slapping sound. "Ouch!" Dan yelped like he had just been stabbed. "Oh the pain! It's unbearable!" He cried like he had just been wounded in battle, earning him an eye roll from Chris.
He rubbed his bruised chest, then proceeded to swerve the conversation back on topic. "I NEED it Chris! I don't know if you've ever dealt with any of the harassment I have dealt with-" On cue, Chris mumbled something about Dan being the harassment in his life. "-I don't care what poor excuse you concoct, but I NEED it." Dan made sure to enunciate on the word need. "Dan. I may have gotten dragged into another one of your devious revenge plots to destroy something, but I refuse to do no more than property damage. In fact! I don't even want to do that! I just want to go home, and spend time with Elise. But every time I try to spend some time alone, you barge into the house through an open window, and decide to declare war against K-Mart." Chris finished, scrunching his eyebrows. "For your information Mr. Know It All! It was not just K-Mart that wronged me! It was the entire plaza! And the mall must pay for their injustices!" Dan slammed a determined fist against his palm, Chris sighing in frustration.
"I refuse to hurt innocent people. They didn't do anything to you." Chris reasoned. "Innocent people! INNOCENT PEOPLE!" Dan fumed, trying to stand up in his seat. "Oh no." Chris murmured under his breath. "Those so called innocent people (Dan made quotations with his fingers) trampled me over to get some stupid blender that was new and over priced. Then some old lady hit me with her bag! All I did was shove her out of the line for the food court. And then she started making a HUGE scene about her allegedly hurt hip!"
"Dan! Sit back down!" Chris spoke loudly. Reaching his arm out to Dan, to stop him from reaching the steering wheel. "And THEN! All I was doing was borrowing money from the fountain to pay my rent like any normal citizen of this country! And some kid pushes me into the fountain! I lost all of my rent money! Now you're going to have to pay my rent!" Chris attempted to ignore Dan's rambling. He had to concentrate on the road, and restraining Dan at the same time. Dealing with the angry little gremlin took a lot of concentration. Like dealing with an overgrown child. The last thing they both needed was to get into an accident. Chris thought hard about what his cause of death would read. Died on June sixteenth. Two thousand and fourteen. Crashed into an Oak tree from stopping an angry midget from high jacking his car.
Chris thought too soon. He simply glanced over at Dan for a second, but quickly looked back on the road. He put his hand back on the steering wheel, and swerved the car away from the side of the road, getting a few angry honks from behind him. "Careful! You're going to get us into an accident!" Dan bellowed acquisitively. The sudden jolt of the car made Dan fly backward back into his seat. The seat belt once again came crashing down onto his face and chest, leaving a long red streak across his forehead. "Arggg!!!! I HATE THIS THING! SEAT BELTS ARE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT YOU FROM DANGER! NOT CAUSE YOU BODILY HARM!" Dan grabbed the seat belt, and began to wrestle with it like it was some ferocious crocodile. "THAT'S IT! I'M DONE! YOU'RE GOING ON THE LIST!" He pulled out a note pad and pen from the back of his jean pocket, scribbling something harshly in it. "Dan, I'm really not in the mood to cause an accident, or get into an accident! So if you could kindly stop trying to kill me, that would be great!" Chris watched Dan scribbled down seat belts underneath horse radish on his list, then proceed to cross his arms and huff.
"Did you at least bring the howler monkeys?" Dan questioned after he had calmed ever so slightly. "HOWLER MONKEYS!" Chris screeched in complete shock. "Why on earth would you need howler monkeys to get revenge on the mall?!" Chris choked out. "Because it's all part of my completely articulated plan you jerk!" Dan started pointing back in Chris' face again. "You kept whining all day long. But Dan! We can't do anything rash! Elise would be mad at us." Dan imitated Chris's voice in mocking manner while he made gestures with his hands. "So I had to improvise! But now you're just ruining everything! You were supposed to bring the acid and howler monkeys!" Dan's face started turning a bright red with fury as he spoke every word.
"Dan! Even if I bought that stuff! I could never actually afford it! No one just carries around thousands of dollars to supply revenge plots! I'd have to put it all on my credit card, and put myself into debt if I wanted to support you financially!" Chris argued. "Speaking of, I can't seem to find my credit card anywhere." Chris began to search his pockets for the hundredth time that day. "Oh, here you go." Dan said casually, as he handed Chris his credit card. "I borrowed it last week to get revenge on that bowling ally." Dan shrugged, his voice calmer at this point. "WHAT!" Chris shrieked. "You know what! I still question to this day why I ever became friends with you!" Chris saw Dan scribble something else down on his list that he couldn't read. He then put the list back in his back pocket, and started stare out the window with scrunched eyebrows.
Chris' face softened. "Dan?" Chris asked after a minute of silence. Dan was a bit quieter than he usually was. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings. Chris thought worriedly to himself. "Hey Dan? I'm sorry if I sounded a bit harsh." Chris said sympathetically. "YOU'RE SORRY! I'M THE ONE WITH NO ACID HERE! Dan bellowed. Chris sighed, knowing that it was going to be a long trip to the mall.
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Dan Vs. The Gem Country ClubFanfiction
Dan, an anti social narcissist is forced to face his biggest pet peeve in his life. Show kindness to other people than himself. After one of his revenge plots goes haywire at the mall, he is forced to choose between two options. Spend ten years in p...