forty

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i was getting ready with charlie at her house in new york. it's new years eve and i'm really nervous just imagining what my 2019 is going to bring to my life. "do you want some help with that?" charlie asked as i stood there, staring at my mascara. i had nothing special going on my mind, but i know i wasn't there completely.

"sorry, i zoned out" i shook my head, continuing to do my make up. we were going to have dinner before we head to watch the ball drop at the times square. timothée entered the guest room and sat down between us in front of the big mirror.

"you guys don't need all of that" he laughed.

"i'm just trying to no look so crazy that doesn't sleep for 5 days" i said while i put my make up back in my bag.

"and it's not like we're putting some drag make up" charlie rolled her eyes. "now fuck off"

"yeah, sashay away bitch" i joked shoving his shoulder.

"i was trying to be cute like you guys are pretty even without make up, but okay then" he stood up and we laughed. after we finished getting ready, we all entered timmy's car and he drove to ocean prime as we sang to old songs until we got there. "reservation for timothée chalamet" he said to the girl at the front door. she checked her list and smiled.

"follow me" and we did. the lady showed our table and we sat down. quickly, a waitress approached our table.

"hi, i'm nancy and i'm your waitress for the night" she smiled and we nodded. "should we start with the drinks?" she asked after putting the menus in front of us.

"yeah, can you bring your finest wine?" timmy asked. the waitress looked at us, eyes checking if we were legal. thank god she didn't ask for ids. while we all looked at the menu, she already came back with the wine, serving our glasses. timmy was the first to order. "can i get the sea scallops? the gluten free one" he indicated at the menu. she nodded, writing down.

"i want this shellfish cobb salad" charlie made a weird face and i chuckled.

"and for you?" she turned to me.

"i want the gerber farms chicken" i smiled, handing her the menu.

"so..." timmy trailed while i took a sip of my wine. wow this is really good. "it's the last day of the year, we really need to talk about the elephant in the room" i frowned.

"what elephant?" charlie looked at him. he gave her a look. "oh! right" she turned to me.

"what?" i asked putting my glass down.

"we care a lot about you and we waited until you were kind of okay to ask..." timmy cut charlie off. she always rambles

"we want to know about david, everything that happened because we want to help with anything you need" i nodded. "like if you want to move in with us or something" he shrugged and i laughed.

"there's no need for now" i shook my head. "the thing is that he said to liza that he didn't want to date me, but at my sister's wedding he told me that he loved me and i said that i didn't believe him, so here we are" i pressed my sweaty palms over my thighs.

"that's a resume of everything?" charlie asked and i nodded. "bitch, we need details!" i rolled my eyes and told them everything, without missing a detail.

"why don't you believe him?" timmy played with his napkin.

"i don't know" and it was true. i didn't know. because i do believe he didn't lie about what he said, but the fear of getting hurt makes me so blind, like, it's so confusing. "i think i'm just waiting for the universe to give me a signal" i shrugged.

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