Part 2

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Me, starting to write a book: Oh, man! I'm gonna be so happy and proud of myself when I finish this!

Brain, after finally completing the book: Congratulations, loser. Write another one.

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My Protagonist: *sobbing, drowning, screaming in agony, crying for help*

Me: Ooh, that sucks. Here, let me help you with that. *Slurps soda, dumps it on protagonist, and casually walks away*

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How I imagine writing romance scenes: 'But soft, what light through yonder window breaks'

When I go to write romance scene: 'So, have you ever accidentally bitten into a moldy piece of bread?'

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Me: How words???........ *staring blankly at the computer screen* *Can't comprehend anything* 

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Brain: *creates every detail of an epic elaborate scene between two characters*

Characters: *does literally everything except what you imagined*

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Protagonist: *strolling along, crying, being depressed and miserable* 😢 Life could not get any worse! 😭

Me: Hold my beer.

Plot: Hold my beer.

Antagonist: Hold my beer.

Some random character: Oooh. *drinks all the beer*

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Me: Enough with the shipping!

Brain: Must! Have! Armada!

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Me, while watching a movie: But what does that look like on paper?!

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Me: 🤔 Hmm, I need fresh original ideas. Brain?

Brain: A beautiful young woman falls in love with a really evil guy. 

Me: No. 

Brain: An ugly purple siren with an eyebrow fetish develops a platonic relationship with a sweater-wearing steampunk merman . . .

Me: ???

Brain: You heard me.

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Me: Hmm, I need new original ideas. Brain?

Brain: Have you tried the unrealistically attractive CEO?

Me: . . . Get out.

Brain: Okay okay okay okay okay . . . . He gets abducted by aliens. Or maybe -


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