highschool

Letters I'll Never Send

I keep my letters in my Wattpad story I made a couple months ago. They aren't letters that someone's else wrote for me; I don't have any of those. These are the ones that I've written. There's one for every person I've ever hated- three so far.
When I write, I hold nothing back. I write like they'll never read it. Because they never will. Every secret thought, every careful observation, everything I've saved up inside me that I was too scared to say, I put it all in the letter. When I'm done, I reread it, address it, and post it.
They're not hate letters in the strictest sense of the word. My letters are for when I don't want to worry about them anymore. They're for forgetting about the bad encounters. Because after I write my letter, I'm no longer consumed by my all-consuming anxiety and negative thoughts. I can eat my cereal and not wonder if she's talking shit about me. I can sing without worrying about him laughing at me. If anxiety is like a possession, maybe my letters are like my exorcisms. My letters set me free. Or at least they're supposed to.
-To All The Boys I've Loved Before

Dear Beotch,

I would just like to say that I hate you. I know hate is a strong word and there are only a handful of people that I hate and that will be getting letters, but I'm happy to say that you're at the top of the list.

Since on top of being an insufferable beotch, you have also managed to get other people to dislike me as well. And I don't know if they're your followers, are scared of you, or you just fed them lies, but thanks for that🙄

Thanks for being mean to me since the first day I walked into that school. It really says a lot about you to pick on someone you don't even know. Someone that has done absolutely nothing to you. And for trying to bring them down, I say that would just make you outright sadistic!

You talked shit about me and pretended you didn't. You spread rumors about wanting to fight me and turned people who I thought were quite nice against me. It pisses me off they just follow your lead, but what pisses me off more is how I let you get to me.

How I let you make me feel so inferior and insecure. How all my confidence just seemed to fade away and how I felt utterly helpless. I'll never forget that feeling and I'll never forget the shit that you pulled.

I often regret telling on you but am also proud of myself for standing up to you. You deserve whatever shit that vice principal said to you and I sincerely hope you drop out of high school and die. And yah wishing death on people is bad and all, but theirs an exception for bitches like yourself.

I feel like you will never understand what you did and why it was bad so let me explain.

Being mean is not ok.
Bullying is not ok.
Being mean and bullying someone you don't even know is definitely not ok.
Denying and refusing to accept that you bullied someone is not ok.
To make a scene about it (multiple times) is not ok.
To make someone not want to come to school is not ok.

And yeah from your point of view it might seem like you've done utterly nothing to me (probably cause you were high throughout half the school year) but you don't know the emotional toll it has taken on me and how much anxiety, depression, and insecurities it has resurfaced.

So next time you are bitchy to someone try thinking about how it'll impact them long term. Some people, like myself, are fragile human beings who get hurt easily! And who will use you and everything you did as content for their Wattpad story and bitch about you back (without you knowing of course).

But yeah I have come to terms that you are a complete asshole and will never apologize unless you were threatened on gunpoint, so I'm just going to write this letter and move on with my life. Cause it honestly sucks to feel like I can't do or say anything without being wary of a reaction from you. I hate how I let you get to me, but hey at least I'm getting over it and realizing your just a stupid bitch that has nothing better to do than bring other people down. Because you know what they say, "whoever tries to bring you down is already below you."

And I can't believe it took me this long to realize. I have been wondering and wondering why you didn't like me. Why you always were/are so mean to me, and I guess it causes your just jealous. And yeah I can see why😎 I feel like you're only mean to me because you think I'm like a threat to your existence or something and that causes the jealousy, or maybe I'm just full of myself, we'll never know🙄💀😭

And maybe for me to really get over all this is to look on the bright side...

The bright side being that I've never met anyone as mean as you and compared to you everyone else is a Godsend.

But hey, maybe in 10 years when I have like a million degrees and you're working at Walmart and as a part-time prostitute, we'll look back at this and laugh🥳💫

-ryder 🌟💙

A/N: I'm making this into a sort of series in this story! I think I'm going to write a letter to everyone I don't like or was/is a complete asshole to me. Thoughts?

This idea is based on the trilogy, and now Netflix original, "To All the Boys I've Loved Before!"