I wake up and look around my room, eyes landing on my roomate. She sits on her bed, braiding her hair. "Um, w-what's your name?" I ask. "Oh right, silly me. I'm Andrea," she says and I smile. "I'm Jackie," I say. "I know that! I saw your Bryan Stars interview. So you're because your baby died?" she asks.
"Not excactly. I cut and I'm anorexic, it just got worse after my baby died. . ." I trail off. "That's sad. And don't worry, no ones going to find out that you went to rehab unless you tell them," she says and I nod. "So, I think they're going to feed you differently since you haven't eaten in a while," she says and I nod, following her to the lunchroom
"Jackie, follow me," a nurse says and I nod, following her into a room. I sit down and she puts a needle in me. "It's your food for now. For a whole week. Here, have some water," she says and hands me a glass. I smile at her and take a sip, clearing my throat.
"When can I have visitors?" I ask. "Tomorrow," she says and I nod. "Hey, um. . . O-one of the people that might visit. . . I-I don't want to see him," I mumble and she nods. "Everyone has one person they don't want to see. Why don't you want to see him?" she asks.
"He kinda hates me," I mumble. "Why would you say that?" she asks. "Well ever since I lost our baby he's been ignoring me," I say and she nods sadly. "He was probably just scared. If he comes you should see him. . ." she says and I hesitate before nodded.
"Am I allowed to call them and tell them they can visit tomorrow?" I ask and she nods. I pull my phone out and call CC, chuckling when he answers right on the first ring. "Are you okay? Do you want to come home?" he asks. "Yes to both, but I don't think I can. I was just calling to tell you that you guys can visit. And could you please tell Jinxx to come visit? I want to see all of you," I say.
"Okay. See you tomorrow. Byeeeeeeeee," he says and hangs up. I chuckle and hang up, putting my phone back in my pocket. "Was that him?" she asks. "No, that was my friend. He brought me to the hospital before I was brought here," I say and she nods.
"Alright. You're all done. Go find your roomate," she says and I nod, getting up and walking to the lunchroom.
***
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=133796771
I sit on my bed nervously as Andrea finishes my hair. "Should I leave?" she asks and I shrug. She walks out of the room. A few seconds later the door opens again and I'm tackled onto my back. "Jackie!" CC yells and I hug him. "I missed you," I say and look at my band.
"Get over here," I say and they walk over, hugging me once CC's off.
Jinxx stands in the corner of the room, looking at his feet. I silently motion for everyone to leave and they nod.
When the door shuts behind them I stand up, looking at Jinxx cautiously before touching his arm. He looks away and I put my finger under his chin, making him look at me. "Do we need to take a break?" I whisper. "I think so," he replies, making my heart drop.
"I'm sorry I killed your baby. . ." I whisper and he touches my shoulder, making me whimper. "I'm not mad at that. You took a cold bath. Cold baths can make you lose weight," he says. "I know. . ." I mutter, looking down.
"You aren't supposed to be losing weight," he reminds me. "It's not my fucking fault that I feel fat," I growl and he sits down, pulling me onto his lap. "Do you still love me?" I ask. "Of course," he whispers, our foreheads touching.
"Then why do you want to take a break?" I ask. "We just need a little break. After you leave here, maybe, maybe not. Know that I'll always love you though," he says and I nod, slowly leaning forward and connecting our lips.
We pull away a few minutes later and I get up, letting him stand. "See you in a few months," he whispers and kisses my cheek before walking out.
***
Andrea sits beside me, sighing. "I get released in two months. If I do everything," I mutter and she nods. "I think I live near you. Let's exchange numbers," she says and I nod.
We take each others phones and type our number, giving them back and hugging each other before she leaves. I walk into the bathroom and pull out the scale I snuck in, stripping down and standing on it.
"74," I whispers, tears in my eyes. I put the scale away and walk to my bed, not caring that I don't have my clothes on.
I cry myself to sleep that night.
