this one's the healing, i promise

forgetting u is remembering u

forgetting u is like forgetting
my favorite song.
if it were to come on right now
the lyrics would flow
from my very heart through my cherry lips
& i'd know every single beat to it,
but at this very moment it's not playing-
at this very moment i don't hear it.

because forgetting u is like forgetting
my favorite story.
the stories of which
i'd sit idly listening
on white satin sheets,
remembering what this story
meant to my kind of somebody-
how it made me feel,
& how almost every part of it
would enter my dreams
as i laid fast asleep-
but most of its contents i've forgotten
as it's been a while since
i've given it a read.

forgetting u is like forgetting
how to breathe.
do i intake the air first
or do i first let it go?
is it best to be done from in between my lips
or through my very nose?
how much air does one need to take in
to feel as though it's enough,
or should i limit my own oxygen
in fear of my lungs being filled
too much?

because forgetting u is too much.
it's like forgetting how to swim
& when u're engulfed in frantic oceans
as the ones i am in now,
swimming is very much needed
for without it ones only other
option is to allow the currents
to take its shape around their body-
& here i am feeling the waves
slowly take my body from me-
it's too much.

forgetting u
comes in close comparison
to the way one's hands would feel
when grazing a fire,
fingertips on the very linen
of dancing furiously flames,
smell of embers filling the air
as the skin on the tips
of one's fingers slowly give way-

forgetting u is like
saturday night's sunday regrets
like those february star-gazed nights
when a red solo cup & i
would become eachother's only friends,
for the night is quiet
& the memories of u are too loud
inside my head.
& i'm finding myself where i shouldn't be,
i find myself remembering someone
i should very much so forget,
but 2am is whispering
& it's whispers are twirling
& twirling on my skin,
it's whispering for alcohol & my heart
to become hand & hand before the night's end

& it seems the night is coming to its end.
& i know i shouldn't
as i'm meant to be forgetting
but before i can stop myself
i type "i miss u" & hit send,

for that's what forgetting u feels like.
forgetting u feels like
remembering u all over again.