radio waves

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We sit at the table, laughing and smiling. You're good friends with everyone at the table. I, however, am not.

You stare at our mutual friend, sitting at another table. I stare at you, staring at him. I don't have a crush, but the way the light reflects off your ginger hair just so happens to make me smile. Makes me happy to be alive for once, happy that we're alive together.

We do everything together. That is, until it comes to the public eye. That's when you go to the back and I go to the front. I know what I'm doing more than you do, so you hide yourself behind me and simultaneously try to learn.

I am nervous. I've never performed for such a large crowd before. I'm leaning up against a wall, running my shaking hands through my short, spiky, dyed-blonde hair.

You are also nervous, however you are extremely good at keeping your anxieties in your stomach. I wonder how you do it. I wonder about your past. About what made you so good at keeping it all bottled up.

In this one moment, although we are together, I have never felt more distanced from you.

I am currently keeping multiple secrets from you. I hide them all from you, just because I already feel like a burden. I wouldn't want to make you worry more than you already do. I've done it in my past, and if I do it again, well.. there probably wouldn't be air for me to be breathing to do it a third time.

I look at my palms. Shaking. Clammy. I look at the back of my hands. I try to count the freckles and focus on the indents of my bones.

You jog up to me. You look concerned.

You grab my wrists. Asking a multitude of questions. Staring into my eyes. Yearning for answers.

I say twelve words that you will never forget.

Okay! So a while back I had this dream and it lingers with me all the time. I repeat the twelve words in my head like they're on a scratched record. This is most of the dream, written from the other person's perspective.

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