Randy// One-shots

Heavens gained my angel

One year ago today the love of my life was taken from my arms. We all were out shooting a cover for the roadies. Introducing our baby boy to the cameras because we adopted him but never showed him to the roadies. We knew that they would love him because he had your personality the small almost one year old in my arms. Wanting so badly to dance around, but knowing that it wasn't the right time for him to. When all of the sudden a gun shot came from the woods. That gun shot killed the one man I loved and ever will love. That gun shot will be engraved in my mind forever and ever. My fiancé, my boy, my best friend, my bandmate, the father of our son Ryan Beaumont dead before my eyes. When the ambulance came it was too late he was already gone. I held on to your hand because I knew that you could feel my presence. Little Oliver crying by my side not knowing what was going on. He's now almost two years old, do you remember Oli? He doesn't remember you, I wish he did. Oliver is the smartest little boy Ryan, but I swear he acts like Brooklyn sometimes. It scares me whenever they are together. I know that you would do dumb things with Oli if you had the chance.Today's not going to be easy for our boy, and I know I'm not the best father but I try. That was the worst night of my life, but this Ryan is the day when all those memories come flooding back
Angels keep calling me softly at night
Sing me a calm, bittersweet lullaby
I hear you when the wind blows, or when the Stars twinkle at night. When I tuck Oli into bed at night he always asks me to sing him. I wish he could hear your voice, I show him the videos of us all singing he loves them. I play them mostly because I want to hear you, I love hearing your voice. Listening to you calms me down on my worse days. But soon the sharp pain comes to my heart knowing you are gone.
Whisper of wind, drop of rain, ease my mind
As visions of you fog my brain
Our pictures hanging around the house, I kept our room the same way. It still scares me walking up the ladder to get onto your high bed. But you made the bed that way and I wouldn't change it for anything. Olivers crib underneath our bed, while he's cuddled with the teddy bear we got him the day we adopted him. Sometimes we take it just to listen to you say 'I love you baby boy'. Those words carefully imprinted in my head, the best days of our lives.
It's so beautiful the way the moonlight dances with you tonight
I look out our window and look up at the stars, I know you are brightest one. Oli sometimes will say 'dada there' I taught him that you are dada and I'm daddy it works best that way. He knows that you are in heaven, how I wish you could be hear with us. Dancing underneath the moonlight, dancing on the rooftop the way we use to. Back when life was so damn simple and I wasn't explaining to our two year old son that dada is somewhere in the stars.
Hand in my heart
Counting Stars for our living room
You always have half of my heart, it will never find a new home. We count the stars every night before I kiss our son in the head and tell him goodnight. Sometimes while he's sleeping I look up and talk to you. Do you ever hear my Ryan?
Sunflower kisses
Not one that I miss, the flowers took you away too soon
Sunflowers were our flower. I have the last sunflower you gave to me, I keep it in a note book. Oli always asks why I love sunflowers so much maybe it's because they remind me of you. They remind me of the night you took my hand and ask me to marry you. The night you told me that we had to foster a baby boy because he had no other chance. The night he came into our lives because your big heart couldn't bear to see him being lonely. They remind me of the time when we thought our lives were just starting, not realizing yours was soon going to come to an end.
I'm sending my love, up above, hope heaven gets my message
I know you may not hear me lover boy but if you do please know how much we love you. Please know that the band is not the same without you. That we have no found another to take your spot. Please know Oliver misses you dada even thought he may not remember you. Please know that I miss you more then anything and I wish I could be in your arms
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Little did Andy know that the ghost of Ryan was there all the time. He was there when they were dancing on the rooftop. He heard Olis cute little laughs and would often sing along to the lullaby with Andy. He would often hold Andys hand when they were walking down the streets. He was there when brook and Oli spray painted the walls together. And he watched Andy hell at brook, he saw how cute Oli smiled and said sorry.  He knew Andy kept his ring on all time, he heard him when he told people he was happily married to a man every time they asked. He knew everything because the ghost of Ryan was with Oli and Andy all the time

So I may or my not have just cried writing that. Damn it's emotional, I added the baby part in after I planned this chapter because I thought it would add. I don't know I'm not loving this book... sorry to disappoint