Lonely is a word I could use to describe myself as. Sure I have friends, well if you could even call them that, more like acquaintances. But that's all they are. I don't like to hangout or go to after school games or events. I would rather be alone at home in my room reading or watching Netflix. When my friends ask to hangout which is very rarely, I make up some lame excuse so I don't have to.
I get up, go to school, go home, repeat. In the morning when I'm walking around the somewhat crowded school halls with my friends, I listen to their drama and nod my head. Of course I put in a word or two to make it look like I'm paying attention. But the truth is I'm not.
I'm in eleventh grade and I practically begged my mom to home school me. She of course disagreed with the idea.
But I know if I didn't go to a public school I would not socialize with anyone and would be socially awkward. Walking through the school halls between periods, I feel like everybody is staring at me. I get this feeling that people judge me by the way I walk, and because of it I want to hide.
I have really bad anxiety and to put the cherry on top I'm extremely shy.
The only people I truly feel comfortable around is my mom and older brother. I'm nice to everyone. But that's because I'm not very confident and am afraid to say the wrong thing. I don't swear either, I hate vulgar language.
My friends tease me and say I'm so innocent, probably because I don't interact with any boys and am not boy crazy like them. And when my friends talk about boys they know I don't actually understand there boy troubles.
I know this because they always say "Can't relate, right Ella?"
When they say this I kinda do a awkward laugh and smile because it's true.
Honestly I can't see myself being with anyone. I'm so nervous and uncomfortable around people and just doubt that I could ever get close to anyone. But nobody knows my secret about those feelings. I don't want people to think I'm pathetic or am afraid of my own shadow.
I used to play soccer and was very competitive, I loved it. That's because I was good at it. I was fast and played defense. But I stopped playing because I hated the pressure that I got put under. Also I got injured tearing my ACL while playing on a summer league team and it wasn't the same after.
Finally it's the weekend. I hate how the week days feel so long but the weekends last like two seconds.
I used to ride the bus home everyday, but just last month I got my license and now drive a dark blue ford ranger. I picked this vehicle out because it reminded me of my dad in a way, fords were his favorite kind of trucks.
It's Friday and I'm currently driving to the grocery store after school because my mom wanted me to pick up a couple things for dinner. She knows I don't like to go places alone because I'm super awkward. If I get worked up or become overwhelmed when I'm alone, my body begins to shake and everything becomes a catastrophe. She insisted it was only a couple things and I would be out in no time.
Pulling into the store parking lot I park my truck and slowly trudge into the store. I grab a shopping cart and keep my eyes averted down. I don't like making eye contact with anyone and want to save myself from seeing anyone I know. Also I hate small talk.
I head down to the freezer section and get a couple gallons of two percent milk and place them in my cart. Now all I need to get is cheese for the Mac and cheese and then I can cash out and leave.
While pushing my cart my eyes watch the floor. My body feels stiff with nervousness. I hate the grocery store and I hate being here alone. While making my way over to the cheese, the cart suddenly stops colliding with something hard.
My head snaps up as anxiety swells within my stomach.
A tall boy stands behind my cart, he lifts his head so we're looking at each other. I gulp and grip my shopping cart handle tighter. This wasn't just some ordinary boy, he was very attractive with forest green eyes and short curly chocolate hair, not to mention a defined jawline. He was beautiful. Well beautiful was a understatement.
I've never seen him before.
Suddenly I realize that I'm staring and heat rushes to my cheeks. He's going to think I'm so awkward.
I glance down at the floor. "I'm s-s-sorry." I stutter out feeling myself become swallowed in embarrassment.
Why can't I just be bloody normal. I'm so freaking awkward. I should have watched where I was going. Why does stuff like this have to happen to me?
When I look up he's staring at me with a smirk, which makes my blush deepen.
"Well maybe if you were paying attention instead of admiring the floor you would have seen me." The beautiful boy says teasing evident in his tone.
My hands start to shake and my anxiety begins to rise.
"I k-know, I'm s-sorry" My breathe comes out shaky. God I need to pull myself together before he thinks I'm a freak.
His smirk grows even wider, he definitely thinks I'm a freak, he's probably enjoying my embarrassment.
"What's your name lil' one?"
"E-E-Ella" I mutter. Breathe Ella, you sound like a complete idiot.
"Ella, hmm " he hums. "Cute, just like you."
Did he really just call me cute? I'm standing here shaking and stuttering like an idiot, that's not my definition of cute. I need to leave before I embarrass myself even more.
He's standing there obviously amused, but me not so much. You could tell by looking at him he was confident. I wish I could hold myself like that...but I can't.
"I-I should probably go, I-I have to err get home." I manage to get out.
A small frown starts to pull at his lips but then leaves as quickly as it came. "See you around Ellie." My name rolls off his lips.
I quickly push my cart to the front of the store where the cash registers are, trying to escape my embarrassment as quick as possible. Reaching the checkout line I put my couple items up and after pay the cashier. Receiving the receipt, I grab my two bags and rush out to the parking lot.
The drive home takes about ten minutes. But I don't mind, I like to drive it gives me a sense of control.
When I get home I put the grocery's on the counter and head up to my room. I can't stop thinking about how stupid I was to bump into somebody. I've never seen the boy before either, the image of his green eyes and soft curls were stuck in my head. I didn't even get his name, I was to scared to ask. Shaking those thoughts out of my head I scroll through Netflix finding Riverdale. Clicking on it, let the binge watching begin.
About two hours later my mom calls me down for dinner. Homemade Mac and cheese is my favorite food besides mashed potatoes. It's only my mom and me at the table because my brother isn't home yet and nobody.
Hi this is my first story. Sorry if there's a lot of mistakes. Please please comment. But thank you for reading!
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Her RockTeen Fiction
Ella, the shy girl who stutters. Declan, the boy who makes girls hearts flutter. To her he was the sun, to him she was the stars. Together they had a love like no other. She wasn't like him and he wasn't like her. They each got their own problems, b...