A Pice Of Mind

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Maybe life isn't meant for everybody
Maybe God wasn't thinking straight when he gave life to me
Or maybe this is my hell
Maybe I was a mistake
An unprotected sex
Or a failed candom
Or worst just a quick fuck
Maybe mom and dad prayed to God for someone better probably
I'm certain of the fact that they wanted a boy
a smart boy
But all they had was me.
Which was a big disappointment to them they had to live their life with someone like me. With a joke like me
I'm writing this cause I'm probably fed up of this world cuz I'm probably under my bed with a dried tears praying for this to be just a really bad nightmare
I'm writing this not only cuz my dad was about to hit me or the fact that my mom only comforted my sister or the fact that my sister that had everything that I wished for was as broken as me or the fact that my mom is just in a toxic relationship and my Dad have two faced personality
I'm writing this cuz I'm fed up I'm writing this cuz I noticed that I have no tears left to cry I'm just laying here with an emotionless face there's no way that I'm gonna survive this depression is getting worse and worse my anxiety is getting the best of me and I have no goal at all all I keep doing is laying in bed wasting another breath for those who actually need it I believe that I become like a robot but a broken one a useless one my dreams become dust as if they were never their my dad the one I thought was perfect the one who looked perfect in the eyes of others is officially the reason why I hate males is the reason for me to know the difference between a male and a man and apparently my dad is just a male
My mom is the reason for me to hate marriage I'm disgusted of the idea of getting married to someone who's probably gonna treat me like a trash after my mom is the reason why I believe in divorce more the idea of getting a divorce is becoming more and more perfect to me I hate the fact that I look like mom I hate her for that I'm just afraid of having her future I don't wanna be like not one bit she's just their hoping for a good future what future are you asking for there's no future there's now and if I was her I'd probably been filing my divorce paper and going to the police station to report on all the bad things that happened to me
My brother is the reason why I'm wishing I could go back to my young years he's the reason why I believe being a child is the greatest thing cuz if he only knew about all the things we are going through he'd probably hate my dad for doing all of this and he'd probably hate my mom for always staying calm with her mouth always closed.
But me I'd probably hate me cuz I'm just the plus one the extra one that there's no use of her I'm just here bothering people by breathing or even staying in bed it's just there's no place for me I don't belong here I don't belong to anywhere in particular. I wish I was smart I wish I was pretty I wish I was a boy maybe then life would be better maybe then my family will accept me maybe then I would have friends and I wouldn't be under my bed hiding from my fate but what I really wish for is that I wish I was dead I wish I was never alive never here I wish my parents used protection..
All I can do is wishing.

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