Chapter 62

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Jimmy, Johnny and Zacky dropped me off at the front door, wishing me luck and reminding me to stay calm. None of them really wanted to get out of the car and I didn’t exactly blame them for it.

After three quick hugs I got out, limping as fast as possible up to the door and pushing down the handle, hurrying inside as to not get completely soaked again – I was already in enough trouble.

It was pretty late by that time, and the only light that could be seen from the hallway was that from the living room, glowing from the crack under the door as it had been tightly shut. I could hear the television too, and figured that my mum and Derrick were just sitting peacefully.

I limped to the door, and as I opened it, I could hear faint snivels coming from within. I swallowed, hoping to God that my Aunt Michelle still wasn’t there – I could not be bothered with her.

As I opened it fully, it appeared that my mum was the only one in the house, and was sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine and a box of tissues.

I had expected her to be watching some sort of sad movie or something, until I turned my attention to the television and the fact that she was watching Jeremy Kyle – I didn’t think that was much to cry about.

I closed the door behind me, standing before her awkwardly. She blew her nose, quickly looking up at me. The sadness and upset seemed to melt away from her face, and was replaced with anger – something I was used to seeing.

“Where have you been?” she asked me in a low, somewhat gentle whisper.

“W-what?”

“I said where the fuck have you been?!” she shouted, standing up and edging her way over to me.

I knew that I was going to have to lie to her, for I couldn’t tell her that I’d been to see Jade and Alex – she’d have a heart attack. She was already angry enough that her hands were shaking, and I didn’t want to provoke her further.

However, there was something in her eyes that didn’t exactly correlate with the anger she was displaying. I didn’t think I knew her well enough to identify it, but there was certainly something there.

“I…I went for a walk, that’s all. I needed to clear my head” I lied convincingly, nodding to her. “Sorry, I just…I didn’t want to be a bother anymore.”

“You’re not a bother” she shouted back, the decibels becoming less in her voice as she finished the declarative. “You’ve never been a bother. I’ve been out of my mind with worry here Charlotte! There’s a freaking thunder storm! You could have been killed!”

I nodded, edging away from her slightly, becoming less cautious however as her demeanour seemed to change slightly.

“If anything happened to you I…I don’t know what I’d have done!”

I blinked at her. “You’d have carried on your life exactly as you would had dad not found me. You’d probably be happier – probably still be with my dad. I’ve fucked everything up and you’re so unhappy right now because of me” I retorted. It felt as though I was no longer able to hold back my anger towards everything, and sort of lost track of what I was even saying to her.

“You haven’t! I know I didn’t exactly help your father find you, but I was just so scared of losing you again. I still am. And I’ve been nothing but a bitch to you. A lying, manipulative bitch. And your father has done nothing but love you and I’ve taken you away from him. I’m just so scared of losing my baby again.”

With that, she completely broke down in front of me. I had no idea what to do, how to react or how to respond. She had basically just admitted to lying to me, and perhaps proved that she and I were both exactly the same. Midge had been right about that one.

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