05 | DOUBTS

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05 | DOUBTS

05 | DOUBTS

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        IT'S BEEN three weeks and six days since the 107th left. They've completed six missions, but they haven't been back here yet. I haven't seen Bucky since they left. Everyday has been a continuous, consistent process of waking up, eating, training, eating again, training, eating, and sleeping. I'm so determined to not get out of shape and lose my skills.

Colonel Parrish says that I'm better than ever and that I should take a break before I join the 107th in Germany tomorrow, but I'm not taking any chances. I've always been sort of paranoid, even when I was younger. I get out of my bed, which is technically Bucky's bed, redo my hair, and exit tent twenty-six with my gun slung casually across my shoulder. I wore my training outfit to bed, having been too tired to take it off.

I head straight to the tent where we eat, grab a plate of food, and sit down at a random table by myself. Ever since the 107th left, specifically Bucky, I've been feeling extremely down in the dumps and lonely. I long to kiss him, hug him, and run my fingers through his hair again. After a long, drawn out month, I finally get to see him tomorrow. I wonder if he looks any different. What if he's changed? I wonder.

My eyes widen in horror. Oh my gosh, what if he's found another girl? No, that can't happen. "Positive thoughts, Avery," I tell myself.

I sigh in annoyance, deciding that talking to myself inside my head isn't very healthy, so instead, I finish my eggs. There will be no more food served until lunch. Soldiers get served their portion of food for each meal and that's it until the next one. Personally, I'm almost always hungry after eating each meal, but normally some soldier from the 107th will give me some of theirs if they aren't too hungry. I slowly get out of my seat and head out of the tent to the training grounds. It's my last day, so I've got to make it count.

I end my last lap with heavy panting. Twenty laps around the whole camp is extremely exhausting, especially if you do it at the end of your training because you're already tired from what you've been doing before. As I started walking to the tent cafeteria, I squint as I notice a woman who couldn't possibly be a nurse. I smile when I realize it's my friend, Peggy Carter.

Despite my exhaustion, I run over to the younger woman in a flash. I throw my arms around her when I reach her, relieved to see someone that I can generally get along with. I'm not exactly a people person. I never have been. "Finally! Another woman that can shoot a gun around here! I was getting tired of being the only one."

Peggy laughs and returns my wild hug. "I heard you and Barnes kissed."

I feel my cheeks grow hot and quickly avert my eyes away from her awkwardly. I've never been good with girl talk. The only person my age I grew up with was Howard, and all he wanted to talk about was his inventions. Talking about boys isn't my thing. Shooting bad guys, however, is my thing.

"Yeah," I mutter, my eyes finding great interest in a rock. Peggy smiles widely.

"I knew you'd find you a man," she retorts.

I scoff playfully. "Yeah, well, what about you and Steve?"

"I haven't seen him since he was turned into a super soldier," she sighs. It's pretty obvious she likes him.

"You two are cute," I admit as I start to head to tent twenty-six, deciding to put my gun away before going to eat with Peggy.

Peggy strolls along with me. "So, how have you been since Bucky left?"

I fake a confused look. "What do you mean?" I know exactly what she means, I just don't want to admit how I truly feel.

"Well, words gone around that you're a little sad he left. That you miss him," Peggy hints. She's trying to make me spill my guts. She always does this. Tries to make me open up.

"I'm okay," I reassure. Peggy gives me an unsure look. "Really, I am. I get to see him tomorrow anyway."

Peggy gasps, reading the look on my face like any woman probably could. "You're worried about how he'll react aren't you? Scared that he'll be different than before." I shake my head furiously at her assumption that she's absolutely one hundred percent correct about. She should be a detective or something. Well, I guess she kind of is.

We reach the tent and she turns to me, just staring for a few seconds. "You are worried about that, aren't you?"

I sigh in defeat. "Yeah. I mean, what if he's found a different girl? What if he's different? He could be a completely different person. Or worst of all, what if he forgot about me?"

"I highly doubt any of those are true," Peggy states realistically. "He's most likely thinking the same thing about you."

I snort loudly. "What are you, some kind of love whisperer, or something?" Peggy gasps loudly in shock at my words. I send her a confused look. "What?"

"Did you just admit that you love Bucky Barnes?" Peggy asks. My eyes widen as I realize my mistake. I shake my head rapidly.

"N-no, I didn't mean it like that," I stutter nervously, making Peggy smirks knowingly. "Really, I didn't."

"Sure, and I'm going to marry Steve Rogers," Peggy says sarcastically as she turns around and starts to head back to the headquarters tent.

"Actually, that's going to happen! You just predicted the future!" I yell across the camp, attracting the attention of the soldiers around us.

I look around at the men as they continue to stare. "Don't you have jobs to do?" I huff and head to tent twenty six, ready to turn in for the day, forgetting completely about eating, with one thought on my mind.

Tomorrow I get to see my Bucky. Wait...not my Bucky. Just Bucky.

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