Dani

It's a relief to touch my piano again after over a week of not being able to face it. My hands flutter across the keys as I become lost in the atmosphere of La Fille aux Cheveux de Lin.

Doing something so familiar is soothing in the midst of all my confusion. I can focus on my music that I've played a thousand times, and lose myself in the beautiful sounds and the natural movements of my fingers that are ingrained in my muscle memory. It might not truly dispel my troubles, but it lets me block out the constant cacophony of thoughts in my mind, if only for a short while.

As the song comes to it's conclusion, so do the effects of my musical anesthesia. 

Cam kissed me.

What. The. Heck.

If my life were a novel, this is a twist I'd never see coming. The only problem is, I'm not sure if my confusion is good or bad.

I think Cam is a nice guy, deep down. He gets defensive easily, but it often seems like his quick retorts are attempts to protect his sensitivity. He's smart, and we've had some good conversations together. I didn't think he was much of a looker at first, but he's been growing on me as I get to know him. If only I knew him well enough to decide if I wanted to take what has scarcely reached the point of friendship to something more.

On the other hand, isn't getting to know someone to determine your feelings for them the whole point of dating? If I'm honest, the idea of a relationship with Cam intrigues me, and it's not a prospect that I want to throw down the drain. I only worry that by giving it a go I might lead Cam into believing I want something that I haven't made my mind up about yet. The guy has just lost his best friend, and he's coping even worse than I am. I'm not sure how many more heartaches he can take.

The bell for third period disturbs my peace, and I pack up my music. Lunch break is over, and I have to leave the safe haven of the music room. Caitlyn was surprisingly kind about me leaving her alone at lunch to practice piano. I was expecting her to berate me, or get upset about me prioritising a hobby over her. However, she merely smiled and nodded, saying how happy she was that I was getting back into piano again. Her acceptance put me in a good mood.

Throughout third period I found myself fixated on the Cam issue. Concentrating on schoolwork is difficult with so much on my mind. I want to know why Lola needed my help. I want to know what she fought with Jacob about, and why he's so reluctant to tell anyone. I want to know what news she had for Cam. I want to know how Cam feels about me, and how I really feel about him.

Too many thoughts, not enough brain cells.

I need to talk to Cam. Properly - in person. As soon as class ends, I speed-walk out the door and lurk creepily in the vicinity of the port racks where I know Cam leaves his bag. When I see him coming up the pathway towards him, we make eye contact. He passes me and hisses, "We can't be seen together!"

Continuing my bout of creepiness and also possibly taking a leaf out of Caitlyn's book, I grab him by the wrist. "There's got to be somewhere we can go where Caitlyn won't see us. We need to talk."

He looks around suspiciously. "You can text me tonight."

"Texting isn't talking. One little conversation at school won't hurt."

He hesitates, before leading me along the path towards the school greenhouse. We go inside and Cam shuts the door behind us. He rummages through a box in the corner and pulls out a pair of dirty looking gardening gloves that I can smell from across the room. "Quick, put these on!"

I wrinkle my nose. "No thanks. Why?"

He sighs impatiently. "We can't just be in the greenhouse for no reason. I'm allowed in here for a plant biology project, so you'll just have to pretend you're helping me."

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