HOCKEY IMAGINES: BOOK 2 // REQUESTS CLOSED

#21: NOLAN PATRICK - #19 PHILADELPHIA FLYERS

A/N: Hey guys! It's good to be back, but just a little warning this deals with self-harming and near death experience. Read at your own risk!

Is it wrong to doubt the one you love so deeply? I know I shouldn't ever doubt Nolan; we have been together for over two years and we have been through thick and thin as a couple but ever since we moved to Philadelphia for him to play his hockey, things changed for us. The dorky, loveable Canadian I fell in love with back in Winnipeg disappeared and came the long haired, cold shouldered Nolan who doesn't seem to be leaving.

And with our current lifestyles, they aren't ideal for keeping a relationship alive and going. Nolan is a professional ice hockey player who is travelling the country daily, and I am training to become a paramedic. When I have my days off, Nolan is away in another state playing a game. When Nolan has his days off, I am training at the hospital or at school. And whenever our schedules line up, we never seem to do anything together.

Our home that was once filled with laughter, love, and joy, is now filled with coldness, silence, and worst of all, no feeling of love.

I know I am young; I am only twenty-one years old, but I love Nolan more than anything and when we first started dating, it felt like he was the one, the one that I would grow old and have children with. Oh how that has changed. We hardly speak to each other now, when I wake up Nolan is gone and there are days when I get home late to find Nolan fast asleep on the couch that I sleep alone in our bed.

I love Nolan but I can't help but doubt him at times. I don't want to think that he has cheated or is cheating, but when we have gone from spending every minute with each other to hardly looking at each other, it makes me wonder if he is finished with our relationship and is going to chuck me out onto the curb any second. It is those thoughts to why I currently have a suitcase hidden in my work locker for when the day comes that he breaks up with me. I just know that when if and when that day does, I don't think I will ever be the same.

- - -

I slip into the seat beside Ryanne, Claude's wife, in the booth away from the bar. After a month of not fully seeing each other, I agreed to go out with Nolan seeing as the hockey season has finally came to an end, and the place he takes us is a bar with his teammates. Ryanne gives me a half hug and I lean into her side, ever since I moved with Nolan to America, she has become like a second mother to me seeing as my real mother is in Canada.

"That baby better be named after me." I chuckle when I see her stomach is starting to grow with a baby inside. She rests her hand against her stomach and laughs at me.

"It won't be long until you and Nolan start a family." She says with a smile on her lips. I try to smile and agree with her, but my smile falters and my emotions change. Instantly Ryanne picks up on my sudden change and scoots closer to me, she doesn't say anything and I know she won't press me until I am ready to speak to her. I feel comfortable in sharing my thoughts with her, she has been the one person I have relied on being here.

"Things with Nolan haven't been going so well as of late, I think the days are numbered for us." I say in a low tone so that only she can hear me over the music being played. She sighs softly and pulls me into a proper hug, my head rests on her shoulder as I wrap my arms around her.

"Oh honey, you mustn't think like that. You are probably overreacting; Nolan is probably stressed out for not making the playoffs like the others are." Ryanne says trying to make me less worried about Nolan and I's future together. I half chuckle at her words and move out of her embrace, my mind not believing what she is saying.

"I don't know, things have been bad with him for months and it just seems to be getting worse. I think he may be cheating on me." I say those words out loud for the first time ever. I haven't even said them out loud to myself so hearing them for the first time makes my heart fall into the pit of my stomach. I don't know where Nolan is right now, for all I know he could be with some other girl in the corner of this bar snogging the face off her. At that thought, my heart sinks even further and I feel like I am going to be sick at the thought of it.