twenty four

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authors note: let's pretend liza went to the chicago show, not the houston show, thanks

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david shoved my shoulder and i hit his arm, laughing. "stop, i'm trying to focus, bitch" i said while i was talking to my new manager. "dave, i think you should be on the stage, making sure if everything is in place or something like that" i shot him a glare.

"i want to be here with you" he tried to kiss me but i pulled away, locking my phone.

"i think i heard natalie calling your name" i lied, walking away. we were in the backstage in an empty area. david grabbed my hips, turning me around.

"hey, you're not going anywhere" he wrapped his arms around my waist before kissing me and pushing me into the wall behind me. i giggled between his lips as i felt the same butterflies on my stomach. it's weird how i always feel like this when we are together and when we kiss.

we were on our make-out session when i heard someone call for him. "you should go" i shoved him again. david gave me a quick peck before jogging back to the stage.

it was practically show time when i sat near the stage to watch them. i was laughing with the jokes and the references from the vlogs and the podcast. from the stage, david smiled at me and i waved. he continued to perform when it was only him and jason on the stage.

everyone on the backstage was whispering something about a surprise for david and i frowned, looking at them. with that, i saw liza, talking to heath, natalie, and zane. apparently, david doesn't know she is here and they want to surprise everyone.

after that, the music changed and she entered the stage, making the fans scream. after liza danced she hugged david tightly and hugged jason. she sat down by david's side and they started talking.

then, scotty was performing, so the rest of the squad went to the stage and i was alone with natalie, david's manager and everyone from the staff. i sighed as i saw david and liza talking and making jokes together. they were so good with each other.

i decided to leave and go look for the bathroom. i don't know if i'm jealous, but i know for sure that i'm insecure about this whole situation. i mean, my mind is always screaming at me saying that i'll never be her and seeing situations like this one, i start to believe that voice. david was genuinely happy with her, he's always with a smile glued to his face when liza is around. and the way he looks at her it's just... it shows me he truly loves her and wants her back. it's hard to keep pretending that i don't care about this and that i'm going to be with david in the future. it's a fact that he's probably going to get back together with liza at some point.

i sighed, feeling my hands shake. it's so fucking annoying how my insecurities make me so weak and scared. just one thing made me have a panic attack, one little thing made me forget everything that david told me about his feelings, everything that i went through just to be right here, right now.

when my mom was alive, she used to tell me every day to be confident and always helped me with these kinds of situations. i believed her. i used to love myself when she was around, but when she died, my confidence went with her too. i felt my eyes burn because of the tears. i couldn't breathe, my heart was pounding so fast and i started to cry.

this time of the year it's the hardest. all i wanted was a hug from my mother. god, i miss her so much.

i tried to calm down, taking deep breaths leaned against the wall. god, why can't i be normal? it's not that big of a deal and here i'm, having a panic attack because i'm jealous and insecure. i'm so fucking stupid. i sighed and washed my face, hoping that this could help. my hands were still shaking but i went back to the backstage.

the show was over and everyone was there too. "where were you?" zane asked putting his hands on my shoulders.

"i was in the bathroom" i pointed to the door down the hall. he nodded, saying something that i didn't hear, and walked away to talk to someone. david was talking to liza and i smiled. they're just friends, stop being weird. i turned on my heels and went to talk to matt.

we talked about the cubs game that happened earlier today until i felt someone put their hands on my shoulders gently. i looked, hoping it was david, but it was ilya. "do you want me to take you home?" he asked. "because i can drop you off before we all go out" i frowned.

"phe can go with us to the club" matt said and i shook my head.

"i can't, i have something to do tomorrow" i explained. "i can call an uber il, you don't have to do that"

"to vernon hills?" he asked as if i was crazy. "it's dark outside, your dad will kill me if i let you go in an uber" i rolled my eyes.

"it's okay ilya, seriously" i smiled softly.

"do you want me to ask david to drop you off?" he asked turning around.

"no! ilya!" i called for him but he went to talk with david. they looked at me and i avoided their eyes. after that, they both stopped in front of me. great.

"so, you can sleep in my hotel room if you want then tomorrow morning i can drop you off at your house" he suggested. i sighed before nodding. i know i can't call an uber, my dad would kill me and ilya would help. so, there's nothing i can do except to accept his offer.

then, we all left the chicago theatre to go back to the hotel. after a ten minutes drive, we all hopped off and entered the hotel. david lead me with his hand on my lower back, pushing me softly to the elevator, just to intertwine our fingers until we got to the room. he got his room key and we both entered. "you can put one of my shirts if you want to be more comfortable" he said grabbing some clothes to change.

"it's fine" i took off my denim jacket and my shoes.

"i'm not going to take so long there, okay?" david looked at me and i nodded, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "get some sleep" he kissed the top of my head. "if you need anything, please call me or ilya, or natalie, or anyone" i laughed softly, pushing him closer to press his lips against mine. david changed his clothes on the bathroom and kissed me again before leaving.

i sighed and laid down on the bed, turning around several times, trying to get some sleep as david suggested. but i just couldn't. i couldn't sleep for the rest of that night.

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