part 1

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why?
why was my heart broken into a million peices?
why did I want her near me and only me?
why everytime she was with Osman i felt a sharp pain in my heart?
why?

I kept asking myself these questions over and over again. Although, i think i knew the answer. But knowing she did not feel the same way made me question everything I believe in. She was engaged for God's sake - even brought her fiance Osman to a company event. It made me even more certain I could never have what i wanted. And that was Sanem.

Seeing Sanem sat across the table holding hands with Osman was too much for me to handle. Every bone in my body was clenching and I hated the thought of another man's hands on her. Thats why i walked off. Isolated myself as i do when I can't handle something. For me, being alone was a way of coping with things and thats all i needed to do - get out of this event where all i can see is Sanem and Osman being lovey-dovey.

Of course i had my concerns. From the time Sanem has worked here, she has given me signs that she feels the same way. When Arzu and me were having the meeting on the terrace, I knew it was her who set off the fire alarm. When Arzu wanted to get closer to me and spend the night, Sanem put strawberries in Arzu's juice knowing she is allergic to them. Knowing Sanem was jealous of Arzu, I was confused and I needed to think.

Ofcourse I knew Sanem was engaged from the start which is why I didn't tell her my feelings. Except for when she was drunk - I couldn't stop myself for some reason. I wanted her to know I am the Albatross she is looking for - that we kissed in the dark and sparks flew between us.

As i drove home, all i could think about was how much i craved Sanem. Never did i think i'd come for the company's 40th anniversary and meet this one girl. Who was so different from the rest. There was just something about her. She intrigued me because she isn't the kind of girl to let her emotions out and what she feels. Nevertheless, over the time she worked here we got closer, at least I thought we did, until today when I saw her and Osman being the perfect couple.

A big billboard infront of my face with the woman of my dreams plastered all over it. She looked extremely beautiful. I mean i already knew she was beautiful but staring at this picture made me get lost in her beauty. What made it better was the fact that I clicked these pictures. I was the man behind the camera and it made me proud. She was a natural - not much effort needed to get the perfect picture. I loved that she was involved in my campaign. I stood there and stared at the billboard for a good few minutes admiring her. How could she be this beautiful? At the same time it was like a kick in the chest. I could never have her. She was going to marry Osman and share her whole life with him. Not me.

As soon as i reached home, I grabbed the half - empty bottle of whiskey and a glass. I drank the full glass within seconds and wanted to drown my sorrows. Then i hear the doorbell ring. I was not expecting anyone. Who could it be?

I opened the door and it was her. That gorgeous face, big brown eyes and beautiful smile. I was confused. Wasn't she supposed to be at the event with Osman? Why was she here?

"Mr.Can."
"Sanem. What are you doing here? Why aren't you with Osman?"

That last question he asked brought sadness to my heart. When Mr.Can asked about Osman, i felt sad knowing he thought I was engaged to Osman. And I, like the fool that I am, spent the whole day trying to convince Mr.Can that me and Osman were the perfect couple. That we were in love. And Mr.Can believed it - which is what broke my heart. I wish i never got into this fiance mess in the first place. I would be so much happier right now.

"Mr.Can , we need to talk."
"About what Sanem. Has something happened?"
"Can i come in? I will tell you inside."
"Of course you can."

We walked together into Mr.Can's living room. Osman was right, i had to confess my feelings. Even though Mr.Can and Polen were lovers, I had to tell him. Whatever happened after this did not matter, all i knew was right now i had to tell Mr.Can that i was in love with him. Deeply in love. I loved him so much that everytime i wasn't near him, i felt empty. All i wanted to do was stay with him, listen to his calming voice and stare at his stunning face.

"Mr.Can, i have something really important to tell you. Its extremely important and if I don't say it, i'll regret it for the rest of my life."

***** to be continued *****

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