Up And Leave- Vikklan

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Requested by CrystalHeartRing

Vikk's P.O.V.

I bit my lip, looking away from the screen for a few seconds to gather my thoughts but then regretted it at once because JJ rammed my car off the ramp, sending me tumbling into the abyss all over again. I wanted to roar, I wanted to yell at him, but I didn't. I simply sighed and kept the race going, not really caring to think anymore.

"Oh come on Vikk, are you really that bad!" Josh jeered. "Even JJ's finished!"

I didn't say anything more, just finished the race and listened to Simon doing the outro, then left the call without opening my mouth. I ended the video and leaned back in my chair, sighing heavily and rubbing my eyes fiercely, anger bubbling just below the surface.

I was sick of putting up them, I was sick of being the little one, the one to be yelled at or pushed around just because I was the smallest of the group. I was at the end of my tether, sometimes I just wanted to completely give up and there were times where I considered taking my own life.

I felt like I was trapped in a pool of water and I couldn't breathe, I was drowning and there was no one there to save me. I dug my nails into my arm to calm my breathing and just pushed the thoughts out of my head, the thoughts that told me to end my life.

As I scrolled through the comments of my last video I felt the anger welling up again and the thoughts rushed to the forefront of my mind. I saw the hate, the comments that told me how bad the video was, how the editing was terrible, how I was annoying or ugly. I scrolled past the countless kind comments, I didn't even see them. I only saw the hate.

I slammed my arm onto the desk and cried out when I hit my wrist on the corner, bringing it back up into my chest. I whimpered softly and pulled down my sleeve, sighing when I realised the multitude of thin cuts were bleeding, the thick red liquid spilling all over my skin.

But I didn't care. I simply wrapped a bandage around the cuts and left it alone, already setting up to edit the video I had just recorded but I quickly found that I couldn't. I had no energy, no will to do anything so I just shut my computer down and climbed onto my bed, curling up and hoping sleep would come within a few hours.

--------------------------------------------------

"You okay Vikk?" Lachlan asked from the other side of the screen, clicking his mouse as he did something that I couldn't see.

"Yeah I'm fine, just a little tired. I didn't sleep very well." He looked sad when I told him.

"Aw that's not good Vikky, you've been trying to sleep?" I nodded. "So you just can't sleep?" Again I nodded and he sighed. "Do you think you need a break? You haven't taken a holiday since the last ski trip."

I thought for a few seconds, but even before then I knew he was right. I needed a break, not just from YouTube but from my housemate and just from people in general, although maybe not Lachlan because he was so supportive with anything I did.

"Yeah... yeah I think I do. I'm burnt out." He lit up like a lightbulb when I admitted it and started clicking around, concentrating on his other screen for a few beautifully silent minutes before he turned back to me.

"I've got you a ticket to Aussie for Monday, 11am your time. Three days away." I smiled and he relaxed.

"Thanks so much Lachy, I really need a break from this bullshit." I sighed heavily and leaned back, rubbing my temples.

"Bullshit?" He questioned, tilting his head to the side. "I thought it was just the videos."

"No it's..." I sighed, struggling to get the words out. "It's just... the guys aren't very kind in videos or off camera and I'm getting sick of it." Lachlan blanched.

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