My Roommate the Sex God

FOR THE BEST

Jamison

I knew that Keagan and I had said some things that we probably didn't mean. He was being unreasonable and I was being clingy- we were both in the wrong. And I half expected things to go back to normal in a day or two. But I started to get nervous when it didn't.

Keagan and I had the type of relationship that was solid. Not much could be done to separate us for good. I was aware that fixing what was wrong was going to take effort and time, I was just also noticing that neither of us were taking a step forward.

There wasn't much interaction between the two of us for a few days. I mean, he came back to our room but only to get the books he needed for his classes. He said hello to me and goodbye to me and that was pretty much the only conversations that we had.

I could tell that he wanted to say more, I saw that in his face. But Keagan was being stubborn like always and I wasn't going to feed into him this time.

And for some reason, the only place that I thought to turn was to Russ. I figured that he would be completely biased and on my side and not have any new information to offer me; but that's the main reason why I went to him.

"It sounds to me like he has issues Jamison. One minute you guys are fine and the next minute he hates you when you did nothing wrong. I don't get what you see in him."

I shifted on my bed and looked at my door to make sure I didn't hear him coming. The last thing I wanted was him knowing I was Skyping his enemy.

"I didn't come to you so you could bash him Russ. I need advice. I need to see it from a different perspective."

Which was half true. It did make me feel good to hear that it was all his fault. But deep down I knew that wasn't true at all.

"I only have one perspective. The one that says he's an asshole and you're making a huge mistake by overthinking all of this. Yea, I've fucked up in the past and I know that I did some really unforgivable things and he could easily be saying the same things about me, but at least I came around and turned over a new leaf. He's stubborn as hell, he'll never come to you first. He's waiting for you to go to him which is completely manipulative and unfair."

I shook my head.

"You're wrong. Keagan isn't an asshole. He's a jerk, and kind of callus sometimes, but he's not a bad guy. He got offended that I needed a label before getting hot and heavy with him, that's not something that's unforgivable. In fact, it's very forgivable. I think we're both just scared about what that means for us."

I could tell that Russ hated the idea of Keagan and I being intimate but he was just going to have to get over it.

"Then I think I'm not the one you need to be talking to Jamison. As much as I dislike this guy and feel as though he's 100% wrong for you, I have to accept that he's a big part of your life. So hang up with me and go find him. Chances are, he's banging someone else as we speak so, you better get to him before he makes a bigger mistake than he already has."

Shots fired.

Thanks a lot for putting the image of him being with someone else in my head.

Keagan's not the asshole, Russ is. But I already knew that.

"That's a little harsh. But I think that's the only advice I'm taking from you. It's stupid to keep avoiding each other. I need to just talk to him. Thank you. For listening even though I know you'd rather do anything else then listen to me rant about someone I really care about. That's big of you."

"Yea yea. I'll always be here. Now go- before it's too late."

I half-smiled and hung up with Russ.

And just as I was about to grab my jacket and head out, Keagan came through the door.

"Keagan-"

All I could get out was his name.

I thought I would have more time to plan everything that I wanted to say... but now I'm speechless at the worst possible time.

He acknowledged my presence and went to his side of the room. He started to take out some clothes and I had an awful feeling that he found a new place to stay.

My heart sank to my stomach and all of the sudden I felt nauseous.

"W-Where are you going?" I asked like a sad little child.

I couldn't help it.

The thought of him leaving scared me.

This is a person I started out resenting. This is the person who I grew to care about. This is the person who took care of me and looked out for me and made me feel things that I didn't know I was capable of feeling. This was not the time to leave me. I really didn't want him to leave.

"I can't stand this tension between us Jamie. I'm going to stay with one of my friends on the first floor-"

I didn't let him finish.

"Wait! Please don't," I said desperately. "I don't want you to do that."

He furrowed his eyebrows and stopped doing what he was doing.

"Is everything ok? You look really upset?"

There is the caring Keagan I know. The guy who is always concerned about himself; concerned about me.

"I am really upset. I can't stand that we're basically not speaking to each other. It's for a good reason but it's also stupid. If that makes any sense. Keagan, we were both wrong. I said some things and so did you. But it's fixable. I don't think you leaving is going to solve anything. It's just going to make it worse. And I know you have every right to think that I don't trust you, but you have to believe me when I say I do trust you. I'm just terrified about what happened in the past. I just. I want to fix this. Please don't leave."

Keagan sighed.

"Jamie," he said as he walked closer to me. "I'm not abandoning you like Russ did. This is only temporary. I think this might be good for us, it'll allow us to focus on other things. This doesn't change how I feel about you. I still care about you, you know that. And if you need me I'm right downstairs. I just... need some time. And you don't think you do, but I know that you do too. Just please trust me; as you say you do. Don't be sad about this. It's only going to be for a few days, maybe a week. Ok?"

I tried my best not to break down and cry like an infant, but it was hard.

I didn't want to be by myself, but more so, I didn't want to be without him.

But maybe he was right. Maybe this was the key to learning how to trust him more.

I didn't like it.

But I respected him enough to nod and let him quietly pack some of his things.

I tried not to stare at him while he collected his things; I opened my laptop back up and pretended like I had work to do. I mean, I did have a lot of work to do, but I wasn't going to do it until after he left.

I also tried not to think about how quiet it was going to be without him. He was always talking to me or playing music, there was always a nice atmosphere in here, besides the past few days that we were barely speaking.

Keagan swung his bag over his shoulder and put his phone in his back pocket.

I wondered if he was going to sleep in the same bed as whoever he was staying with. I doubted he was going to sleep on anyone's floor. There was a rare chance that this person didn't have a roommate and had an extra bed- that was what I was hoping.

But he wasn't going to explain the details to me so I was forced to use my imagination.

Keagan took me by surprise by coming over to my bed before he left.

"Please don't hate me for this," he said as he kissed the top of my forehead and left.

I could never hate him.

I could never resent him like I once did before I even knew him.

I could never judge him or accuse him of anything malicious.

All I could do was trust him and hope that he returned as soon as fucking possible.