Numb | Awsten

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You're thinking...

Sometimes it's necessary to feel numb because if you're always feeling, it becomes too much. So your body just decides that it's time to rest. It's not time for feeling anymore. Everyone needs a break. And that's why you feel numb sometimes. You shouldn't always feel numb; that would mean you're always overloaded with feelings. But every once and a while, it's okay. It's just a break. And eventually, your body will go back to feeling, and when it becomes too much, you'll be numb again.

The best you can hope for is being with someone who doesn't make you feel numb anymore. Someone who can make you feel so happy that you don't have to be numb. You're too busy being happy to be feeling all those emotions overloading your body and leading you to numbness.

And she was that person for you. She took all your worries away and helped you through everything. You remember when you were on the verge of a breakdown and she just took your hands, looked into your eyes, and said: "Talk to me. What's going on?"

And that was enough. The feeling of her hands on your skin just made you feel so much better. She made you feel safe. She made you feel secure like nobody else could.

Her voice made your heart lift, and being with her gave you a feeling that couldn't be compared to anything else in the world. It was something truly special.

The months you were with her were the best of your life.

She was always there for you. She never left you to drown in your emotions. She was the first person to notice when you needed help; she was the first to come to you. She was always there for you without fail. And you stopped feeling numb. Finally, you stopped feeling so numb.

And then suddenly, it all came fucking crashing down like a burning airplane. Sure as hell you weren't numb anymore. You were too busy feeling pain to feel numb. Fuck numb. You were suffering.

She left you with a scar so deep you could imagine it was splitting you in half. And you finally realized that she was both your antidote and your poison. She was making you suffer. She was helping you but simultaneously putting poison in your drinks. She was dragging you down to the ground before yanking you back up, giving you the illusion that she was good for you. She wasn't.

And that moment you decided you didn't need anyone to help you (you actually did), you met him. With fading purple hair and two different colored eyes, he was unique to say the least.

"You doing okay there?" he asked you, and you looked into his eyes. He was smiling slightly.

"Not really," you admitted, though you couldn't explain why you told this strange-looking boy that no, you were not doing okay.

"What's bothering you?" he asked, sitting down across from you.

And you found yourself spilling your soul out to him. You didn't know what came over you, but you needed to tell someone. And he was listening.

And when you told him everything, he reached out to you, taking your hand.

"I have one thing to say: fuck her." He smiled. "Not literally."

That made you laugh. It wasn't even that funny, but you started laughing so hard. It was ridiculous. All of it was fucking ridiculous. All you could do was laugh. And he chuckled, glad to see you smiling.

And he squeezed your hand, reassuring you. You weren't numb, but you weren't in pain, either.

And as the days turned to weeks and the weeks turned to months, you found yourself growing closer and closer to him. He was your antidote. Period. He was pure and filled with love. He had no malice like she had. He had a pure heart.

And the months with him? Those were truly the best of your life. You had moments of fear; could he also be like her? But he never gave off any red flags. Except for when he'd literally wave around a red flag to piss you off. Other than that, he was perfect. Well, he was annoying as shit, but it was another one of his endearing qualities. And you know what? You probably wouldn't have met him if it weren't for her, so you're good. You would go through it again if you had to. That's just how much you love him. And thank fucking god, he loves you, too.


I'd written the first part several months ago back when I couldn't write

and I just finished it now

so that was interesting 

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