A Light in the Dark // Flicker Series Part I #wattys2019

Hard to Love

"It's not your fault." I choke out.

"It is though, Evie!" He says with a snap, not at me but rather at our situation. He's hurting just as much as I am here and I can tell, but I have no idea how to fix it.

He pulls away from me, now pacing in between the equipment boxes that surround us.

"It is my fault." He repeats. "I wanted this life. This is what I love and most of the time I think it's the greatest job in the world, but when it comes down to the really important things in life I always get the crap end of the deal. I barely get to see my family. I live my life in constant jet lag. And I can't keep a steady relationship because everyone always gets tired of it and leaves. And now I've found you, the woman of my dreams and your scared because you need that stability and I wish to God I could give it to you, but I can't. That's the one thing I can't give you." He rambles off in his outburst, leaving me crying harder because I can't make him stop hurting and this has pushed my sweet Niall to the point of him getting upset.

He stops pacing, practically collapsing as he steadies himself by leaning against the equipment boxes.

"I don't want to leave you." He says weakly, looking at me with glistening eyes that beg me not to be afraid because he's afraid i'll run. "I don't want you lose you." He corrects himself, putting his face in his palms as tears well in his eyes.

We're hurting. We. Both of us.

He's comforted me, more than he should have had to thus far in our relationship. He's seen my cry more times than I would have liked, but he's been an angel through all of it. He's become my rock. But now it's my turn to be that for him.

That's the thing about relationships, you both have to be there for each other.

I swallow hard, clearing my voice to be able to say what I need to so that he knows I'm not going anywhere if he's not.

I walk up to him, rubbing soothing circles over his back as I wrap him in my arms. I kiss his temple, letting him let a few tears out before I begin to speak.

I finally pull his hands away from his face, placing them around my waist as I step between his legs draping my arms around his neck.

I kiss his forehead as he closes his eyes, leaning into my lips and then resting our foreheads together.

"Did you mean what you said yesterday? Is this what you want?" I ask quietly. "You said I've given you a new home in wherever i'm at. Did you mean that? Are you that serious about this?" I ask, hesitating before I deliver the final part of my questions. "...Do you love me?"

His lips are on mine the second the last word finishes leaving my mouth.

He plants the most passionate kiss on my lips, lasting a few seconds and healing our hurt before coming up for air.

"I meant every word." He says matter-of-factly.

"I love you and I never want you to doubt that." He says, kissing my lips rapidly after every few words like he cant communicate his feelings by just using words.

"We'll make it through this then, Niall." I say, rubbing my thumb over his lips to stop his barrage of kisses long enough for me to talk.

"There may be enough tears to fill the Atlantic Ocean, but like you said...everything we do is for you and me and if we're doing this for us then we can't go wrong. I'm scared, truly I am. But I love you." I explain, leaning into his lips again.

"I really, really love you." I whisper, letting him take over with the kisses again.

He smiles into my lips at this, continuing to prove his love by actions instead of words.

"I promise I'll be here whenever I can be. And I want you with me whenever you can be. Say the word and I'll have you on a plane. I won't make it long without you." He smiles, looking into my eyes.

"Looks like that's our plan then. Now my mind can be on the same page as my heart." I smile down at him.

"That's our plan. For us." He states.

"For us." I repeat.

A/N

I'm hard to love, hard to love,
Oh I don't make it easy,
I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood
I'm hard to love, hard to love,
You say that you need me,
I don't deserve it but I love that you love me good

Ps. Did you catch it? Anybody want to guess which song this chapter was almost named after?