summertime sadness | ethan dolan

faith kirkpatrick

"hey mackenzie," she said. then she squinted briefly at my friends. "guys."
for a moment i felt off balance. like i'd slipped through a wormhole into an alternate reality. it was the first time she'd greeted me without an insult since i'd been back.
"excuse me. i see that book i wanted to read," veronica said, grabbing david and marshall's wrists. "you know, the one about the rich bitch who drops her best friend for no apparent reason and becomes a vapid airhead overnight? let's go."

faith shot veronica a sarcastic smile as she dragged the guys away. they had a bit of a history. as in, they used to be best friends until faith decided it was more important to impress kylie and madeline and she dumped veronica like last year's it bag. and because of that three year old injustice, i was now without an entourage.
but faith hadn't word-slain veronica, either. which was also odd.

"so. what's up?" faith asked casually. like we were just two friends bumping into each other at the mall.
"seriously?" i said, raising my eyebrows.
i glanced past her at the crowd of hungry kids and harried moms, wishing she'd move on before her friends caught up with her. i didn't know whether i'd have to deal with kylie or madeline or both, but 'none of the above' was the option that appealed. "you've been a bitch to me all year and you're leading with 'what's up?'"

"kenzie, you know i had nothing to do with what maddy did, right?" she said, sounding almost fed up. like she was already over me accusing her, even though i'd yet to actually accuse her of that anyway. "i mean, i was there when the thing was taped, but she never told me what she was going to do with it."
"but you knew it was nothing good," i said, crossing my arms over my chest.
"well, it's madeline," she replied under her breath, looking warily around as if the potted plant next to us had ears.

translation: when madeline decided to do something awful, there was no talking her out of it. which wasn't the greatest excuse, but it was one that we'd all used at some point in our very short, teenage lives.

silence reigned.
faith twisted her ankle down and up, down and up, laying the side of her wedge sandal flat on the floor, then righting it again, over and over. she twisted her mouth into a sideways pucker. her keys jangled as she scratched an itch above her eye.

"i'm really sorry, okay?" she said finally. "i know i've been a bitch to you. i know. i just...i was so mad at you. when you left it was like there goes my best friend! and then you never even called. and kylie and maddy basically ignored me for, like, ever. i was a complete outcast for, like, weeks. which, by the way, is not fun. and then everything happened with my parents and i just hated you for not being here."
she tilted her head ever so slightly and gnawed on her bottom lip.

"none of that is my fault," i said. except the not calling part. which i used to feel guilty for. until she sank her fangs into my neck my first night back in new jersey last summer.

"i know! i know, okay?" she pleaded. "when i saw your face the night of madeline's party. when she...you know...showed the thing?"
i narrowed my eyes. "yeah...?"
"well, when i saw your face i realized...this whole thing sucks for you, too."

i bit back a sarcastic laugh. the girl was a genius!

"it's just, i never really thought about it that way before."
i suppose i shouldn't have been surprised. empathy had never been faith's strongest quality. she felt all her emotions to the tenmillionth degree, but rarely seemed to grasp the fact that other people had feelings too.
suddenly i felt very, very tired. i found the nearest empty table and sat down. faith followed me.

"so, do you hate me still?" she asked.
i looked up at her. her hair was perfectly backlit by a spotlight to form a halo. hilarious.
"i guess 'hate' is a strong word," i said.
the thing was, faith always had been kind of a follower, and i knew in my heart of hearts that most of the torture i'd been put through the past year had been madeline's plotting that faith had just been along for the ride. plus, at the moment, there was something weirdly vulnerable about her and it took the wind right out of my indignation.

"thanks." faith didn't sit across of me, but hovered alongside the table. like she sensed she shouldn't push it.
"don't mention it."
she gave me a genuine, if tentative, smile, and i couldn't help remembering the way faith was before i'd left. fun, imaginative, but most of all, needy. that was why i'd been so surprised when she was the first to bite my head off last year. faith with a backbone had been a shock.

"so you're staying at the nathansons' this summer?" she asked.
my stomach swooped with dread. "my mother is. i'm...undecided."
faith's eyes widened. she finally sat across from me, dropping her bags and leaning forward. her keys clanged against the table. "oh, no! you have to come."
"why?" i asked.

"because...it's totally gonna suck this year," faith said. "madeline and kylie aren't talking. kylie and hammond aren't talking. ethan's not even fucking coming. who am i supposed to hang out with?"

okay, i wasn't even going to get into the hypocrisy of that question. like i wanted to hang out with her? like i was really going to swoop in and save her from a socially bereft summer? maybe i didn't hate her, but i wasn't about to become her bff. really there was only one part of that ramble i was interested in addressing. the part that had made my breath catch. the part that made me blush.

"ethan's not going down?" i asked, trying to sound causal.

"no," she said with a pout. "his mother went all strict on him and grounded him for the entire summer. he's staying."

every inch of my skin tingled, and not from the overzealous air-conditioning vent behind my head. ethan was going to be here all summer. and the cresties were not.

suddenly the idea of staying with my dad seemed a lot more appealing.

————
vote!
comment your thoughts on this chapter :)
i love you all<3
[1796 words]
-m
————