Chapter 18: I Really Wish I Could Hate You

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Chapter 18

What even is the point of Romeo and Juliet? People say Shakespeare is a genius and whatnot, but is there even a purpose or moral to the story? They both die end and I guess that was kind of a metaphor for both Ethan and my 'friendship' or if you're really picky then relationship, it was dead. Both of us were in the exact same position right now, we didn't want to be here doing this but what choice did we have really? 

"O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art the Romeo?" I pulled the script of Romeo and Juliet closer to my face so I could read it properly.

"It's thou". Ethan corrected, I could see in his dark, mysterious brown eyes that he was trying to not be as boastful as possible, but it was kind of hard for someone like him who just always naturally that cocky. I could see he was trying his absolute best to not let that signature smirk appear on his face. 

"What does thou even mean?" I was tempted to just give up so I dropped the script but Ethan picked it up and forced it back into my hands. 

"It means you." Ethan replied quickly without even hesitating. 

"Know-it-all" I muttered. 

"Jeez, you asked a question and I answered it...Problem?" Ethan's yelled, his  face displayed a flash of emotion but it was soon replaced with a cold, hard stare. He never used to be like this. He was sarcastic at times but he never really got angry that easily. 

I wasn't really in the mood for another argument so I decided to just keep it cool.  

"No, no problem." I gave Ethan a fake smile trying to calm down his temper as I flipped the page of the script and we continued to rehearse. The rest of the afternoon didn't really get any better. I kept stuffing up my lines and Ethan kept having to repeat them for me until I finally got it or understood.  

Why had Mr Charlesworth picked me to be the understudy in the first place? I was hopeless and no where near as good as Liv. The whole point I had agreed to do this was to make Liv jealous but so far things weren't rolling out all that smoothly as I thought they would and I doubt she would even be at the show since she was sick. 

I read the last line of the page and Ethan exhaled in relief. "I know you're a lot better then this Jamie." He stepped back after we had finally completed the first scene. "What makes you say that?" I arched my eyebrows.

"It's like you're not even trying." He noted

"Maybe I'm not." I shrugged it off as I picked up my school bag to leave. 

"Hey! We still need to rehearse until you get the scene absolutely perfect." Ethan eyes looked forcefully into mine. "Yeah then we could be here all night!" I bit my lip as I tried to walk around Ethan, but he wasn't going to budge unless we went over the scene once again.   

"Trust me, I know this play pretty much off by heart. Just give it some time and we'll get there." Ethan pleaded, leaving me wondering why he actually wanted me to hang around. 

"Fine." I sighed giving in. 

I picked up the script and began to start off one of the scenes once again. "O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love." After I finished speaking I then looked at Ethan for approval. To be honest, I thought I had actually done an alright job but when Ethan replied, it wasn't really the response that I hoped it would be. 

"That was... horrible." He laughed making me question whether he was actually being serious or not. 

"You've got to be joking." I gave him my best 'are you serious' death stare, but by the expression in his face, I don't actually think he was kidding. Harsh critism much Ethan? I thought he was here to actually help me instead of rubbing in how horrible I was at acting. 

"They way you said it just seemed way too forced, try it again with more emotion." He suggested. 

"Why don't you show me how it's done since you seem to know it all." I challenged. 

"Fine." He nodded his head accepting my request.  

Ethan repeated my line giving me full eye contact, lacing every word that he spoke with a particular emphasis and emotion. I felt my eyes bore into his as he spoke the line like he had recited it more than one hundred times, which he probably had but that didn't matter. And he had his hands resting on top of mine like he had done earlier before. I don't know why he kept doing it, maybe it was a habit that he had picked up after acting with Liv? Once he had finally finished, I pulled my hand away and noticed that his facial expression fell with slight disappoint. 

I tried not to look at him in awe but whenever Ethan was acting I couldn't help myself. He was amazing and extremely talented but I had to remind myself that he had been a complete jerk to me.

"And that, is how it's done." He took a bow sounding a bit more cheerful. "Now onto the next scene?" 

"Ethan!" I wailed. 


"I though that was it and then we were done!" I had already got my schoolbag wrapped over my shoulder ready to leave. 

"Just one more." He promised. 

I was reluctant to say yes, but it would probably be better if wehad more covered scenes so I'd have less to rehearse over the next few days. "Alright, just one more scene." I affirmed. He smiled at my response like I had actually done something to please him. Was he actually enjoying my company? Nah of course not. He was probably grieving on the inside until I was finally gone.  

We began the scene of when Romeo and Juliet were talking on the balcony. Ethan explained that Mr Charlesworth had kind of edited a bit of the script for this scene because there was a bit of hard and confusing terminology. 

"I flew over these walls with the light wings of love. Stone walls can’t keep love out. Whatever a man in love can possibly do, his love will make him try to do it. Therefore your relatives are no obstacle." Ethan said fully in the character of Romeo, I honestly didn't know if I could match his skill, but I tried to do my best anyway. 

"If they see you, they’ll murder you." I tried to speak with more confidence and put the tiniest bit of effort in. 

"Alas, one angry look from you would be worse than twenty of your relatives with swords. Just look at me kindly, and I’m invincible against their hatred." Ethan took a step closer towards me, but I didn't let that set me off. 

"I’d give anything to keep them from seeing you here." I examined the words on the page of the script trying to memorise them and get them burned into my mind. 

"The darkness will hide me from them. And if you don’t love me, let them find me here. I’d rather they killed me than have to live without your love."  As Ethan said the words, he no longer sounded in character of Romeo. It sounded like it was actually coming from him but I couldn't be definitely sure. 

I tried to size him up and see if he did actually mean those words from the heart but he almost looked embarrassed but then a smile formed out of the corners of his lips leaving me the slightest bit confused. I still didn't realise that I was staring at Ethan, so that gave him an opportunity to speak up. "I think you're warming up to me again Jamie."  He smirked "I am not!" I protested, refusing to believe what he just said. "Probably in your dreams Karpathy." 

"You only called me Karpathy when we used to flirt." The smug expression grew wider on his face and his eyes lit up with colour. I couldn't tolerate it anymore. One minute ago I thought I actually liked him again, but now I really didn't know. I was kind of at that halfway mark with Ethan, like I didn't love or like him, but I didn't hate him either. 

He studied my concerned looking face. "Why do you keep denying it? Jamie I know deep down that you don't hate me..." 

"I really wish I could hate you." I turned around leaving a look of confusion on Ethan's face.  What did I even mean by that? Curse you stupid mixed emotions. I was just blurting out pointless and random words and now Ethan probably took what I said the wrong way. 

As I walked home I began to think about the real reason I was mad at Ethan, because he kissed Liv? Was that it? Well technically she kissed him and then he kissed her back... according to Ethan.

I was so worked up about the 'kiss' and what had happened was that I had gotten to the point where Ethan and I didn't even talk to each other anymore and which was completely stupid and entirely my fault. I was tired and sick of this. Maybe I just had to build a bridge and get over it instead of getting transfixed in my own little world wanting everything to be perfect, because people are bound to make mistakes in life and Ethan is definitely not the first to.  So after all this time why couldn't I just forgive him and move on?

And then it hit me. I think I knew the real reason why and it taken me forever to figure out.

I still had feelings for him.

"No this couldn't be happening." I chided myself as I made my way through the front door of my house, but somehow I couldn't seem to stop thinking about him. 

Sometimes the people you love the most hurt you the most and all you can do is 'try' to hate them, but it doesn't work. Wow. All this time after finally coming close in contact with him I had come to realisation that I missed his dark, coloured puppy dog eyes and brown short-cropped hair and yes, even that annoying smirk which he would always tease me with. I tried to block out all my current thoughts of Ethan, but they just kept on creeping into my mind. 

Double wow. I was falling for Ethan Karpathy all over again. 

Author's Note ~ Here we go again, sorry if this is to cliche haha ;)

Just a quick question, who do you ship Jamie with more? Luke or Ethan? Need to know because I've got a lot of ideas for upcoming chapters!

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