Chapter 30-The effects of mourning.
The sun streamed in through the curtains and shone straight on nicks face. I gazed over to him and saw that my baby's still pale. That note still scares me if it was a warning then its pretty much made its message loud and clear.
Nick groaned and fluttered his eyes open. Once he did, he just stared at the ceiling. He didn't even look at me, or speak a word.
"Morning baby." I whispered.
He finally looked to me and i could see the pain in his eyes that held so much despair. I hate seeing him like this its breaking my heart.
"Morning." He said groggily from sleep. I picked up his hand and kissed the back of it.
"You want anything to drink?" He just shook his head. I sighed and stood to get my clothes.
"I shouldn't be here." I heard nick whisper to the ceiling. I stopped and turned to face him.
"What do you mean ?" I said sitting back down on the bed beside him.
"I shouldn't be here, Nat. It should have been me." I cupped his face half way through his speech and shook my head furiously.
"Don't say things like that, nick. " I pleaded desperately. He turned his face away from me and i forced it back to me. "Please.." I kissed his nose.
He turned his head away from me again and faced the wall. I sighed and again, got up and started making myself useful and tiding up nicks room.
I feel awful for this because i feel like I've failed him.. And Aaron. He was just sixteen when he died, far too young to have lost his life. If only i could have looked out for him more then maybe he could still be with us...no! I cant act like this, i need to be strong for nick.
I looked back to nick and saw that he had turned over to completely face the wall. I can only hope that this behaviour doesn't develop into something worse. Especially, if he's thinking that he should have passed instead of his brother.
"You know I'm here for you nick, but... Aaron would have liked to see you like this. " i saw him ca-coon into his duvet "i love you nick."
I walked out of his room and let him have some time alone. I'll make sure to check on him every so often.
Walking down the stairs i heard sobbing from inside the lounge.
Walking in there i saw nicks mother clutching and stroking a picture of Aaron smiling and looking full of life, maybe thats the reason shes clinging onto it.
Maybe she feels closer to him that way.
"He shouldn't have had this happen to him" she sobbed. I walked next to her and hugged her. She wrapped her arms around me and cried on my shoulder as i stroked her back.
"He was such a good boy."
"I know. No one should have that happen to them." She moved to stand i front of me and cupped my face.
"Your a good girl for nick. I know you'll take good care of him he needs it. "
"And so do you. He's going to be there for you too. "
"Darling he's to fragile. Though i hope that hell get better soon."
"He will." I assured. "Is it okay if i just pop to the shop and get some things for dinner tonight?"
"Oh darling you don't have to do that I'll go shopping later."
"Don't be silly you need to stay and rest its been tough on you. I'll go do that shopping you can just write me out a list of things you need."
"Oh well thank you darling. I'll have to repay - "
I held up my hand to stop her. "Its called a favour. " she gave me a faint smile and held out a shopping list for me.
"If nick comes down could you let him know where I've gone? I don't want him to think I've deserted him."
She nodded her head and i started walking to the nearest supermarket which was only ten minute walk away. On the way i looked up to nicks bedroom window to see the curtains still drawn while above the grey clouds were closing in.
He's not gone. He's not gone. He's not gone.
I repeated, each time i was losing hope. He was never coming back.
I've lost my only brother. At that thought i started sobbing. Once they started i couldn't control them. Tear after tear started falling quicker than the last.
He's really gone.
I sat up and wiped the tears from my cheeks. I thought about what Nat said, shes right he wouldn't want me acting like this.
"I swear Aaron I'm going to get the son of a bitch who did this too you!" I vowed looking at the sky as if communicating with him. I guess I'll have to suffice with talking to the sky as I'm not going to be able to physically talk to him anymore. Yet, i couldn't help wishing and hoping that my door would open and Aaron would come walking in and start laughing in my face for his awesome prank.
And things would be as they were before.
Unconsciously i looked to my door hopefully and pleaded for it to open and show me Aaron's smiling face. Minutes passed and nothing happened.
I forced myself out of bed and started making my way downstairs. I saw my mother in the kitchen making some breakfast.
I stood next to her and saw the same red eyes that matched mine. I tried to give her a small smile but it failed to appear. She stopped cooking and engulfed me in a tight hug. I felt the wetness from her eyes hit my bare shoulder.
I pulled out of the hug and looked around. "Wheres Nat ?" I asked.
"Shes gone to get some shopping she wanted to let you have some rest while she busied herself." She said running her hands through my hair like mothers feel the need to do.
"Did she say when she'll be back?" She shook her head, i sighed.
"Sweetie shes not going. Shes here for you." She assured. I knew i was being stupid but i needed her hugs right now.
I let the faintest smile appear. My mum beamed at me and gave me a final hug and kiss before i set off for the lounge.
I sat down and flicked through the channels but something screamed out at me, so i turned it off. As soon as i did i heard the front door rattle open and i sprinted to it and nearly knocked Nat over with the force that i hit her with as i hugged her.
"Whoa, nick ! I missed you too." She said as she dropped her bags and hugged my head close to her stomach. I said nothing as i embraced in her warmth.
"He's missed you." My mum chirped in.
"I saw." Nat chuckled
I stood up and looked at her. She smiled and stroked my cheek. "Your up then." I just looked at her before taking her lips and kissing her like i haven't had claimed them in ages.
"Don't leave me. " i mumbled on her lips. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pecked my lips. "Never." She whispered back.
Note : nicks not prying for attention if that what you think hes experiencing something called survivors grief. Nicks currently feeling like his brother didn't deserve to die ( which he didn't ) and feeling like it should have been him that was killed.
He's feeling Vunerable just like Nat was when she saw Ian's bloodied body.
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