After school, Joey and I found ourselves sat at a small table in a far corner of McDonald's.
I know what you're thinking, trust me. I did try to talk Joey out of it but she was already dragging me inside before I could even open my mouth!
I sat staring at the food in front of us as Joey reached for some fries before popping them into her mouth.
I am not tempted. I am not tempted. I am not..
"Aren't you going to have some?" Joey asked, interupting my mantra.
"Uh no thanks. Fries are too fattening." I said before I could stop myself.
"Since when do you pass up the chance to eat fries? And since when do you skip meals? In fact, usually you're the first one up for seconds." She narrowed her eyes at me.
"Thanks! I know I'm a fat pig but there's no need for you to rub it in." I said.
"You know that's not what I meant." Joey rolled her eyes, "Don't tell me you're actually listening to what those bitches at school say, since when do you care what people think? You've never had a problem with the way you look before so why now?"
"I just want to regain a little control! I'm getting too fat and it needs to stop." I said.
"What, by starving yourself? You're not even as big as you make out and you've clearly been at this longer than just a few days already because you've already lost some weight. Other people may not be able to notice, but I am Sarah and I think you need to think about this properly." She said sternly.
"You're over reacting! It's not like I have a problem or anything I just want to lose a little more weight." I told her. Surely she could understand?
"Prove it" She said.
"What?" I raised my brows.
"Pove you don't have a problem. Eat some fries, just a few won't hurt." She guestured towards the packet of medium sized fries which stood proudly in the middle of the table.
I reached out and grabbed some. What else could I do? I had to show her that I was ok.
I put the handful of fries in my mouth and almost moaned as the warm, salty goodness played with my tastebuds. Suddenly it felt like I hadn't eaten in years. I grabbed handful after handful of fries, my stomach feeling hungrier and hungrier rather than more full and I had to order more food so that I could fill it up again.
Joey smiled at me as I finished my burger and offered me the last of her second packet of fries. I grabbed some, stuffing them in to my mouth like some sort of animal.
And then I realised what I was doing.
I stopped chewing, the fries now feeling like a gross potato mush in my mouth.
How many calories are in these? 300?400? And I had two so double that and then there was the double cheeseburger and the large coke too. Suddenly, I felt sick.
I wanted nothing more than to spit the mush out, but Joey was still smiling at me. Watching me. I had to swallow it.
I gulped down the fries, the urge to be sick becoming overwhelming the longer I sat there. I couldn't go to the bathrooms though, Joey would know something was up.
I pretended to check the time on my phone.
"Crap. I have to go!" I cried, giving my best 'I-AM-IN-SO-MUCH-TROUBLE-I-CAN'T-BELIVE-I-FORGOT-I-HAD-TO-DO-SOMETHING' look and made a sharp exit before she could prostest, almost praying that she bought it.
I tried to fight the urge to be sick as I wandered home, I just wanted to shut myself away in the privacy of my bathroom and not have to think about Joey or my mum or the girls at school for just a few hours.
The longer this junk is in there, the worse it is. My mind whispered to me as I walked down an empty street.
I looked around me, making sure nobody was there.
The coast was clear.
I turned to the bushes, slowly bending over them. I reached up and tucked the hair out of my mouth before reaching two of my fingers into my mouth. This next part was not going to be pleasant.
I finally got to the safety of my bathroom, all though no longer for the reason I had previously wanted to.
I wasn't sure if I felt better or worse after making myself sick. It was different this time, I felt wreched and I hated what I had done.
I was ashamed.
I decided maybe a nice warm bath full of bubbles would make me feel better and soon enough I was stripping off, ready to hop in the bath.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and gave my huge, wobbly stomach a disgusted look as I stepped in to the tub. The warm water that was slowly filling the bath made me feel better almost instantly but then I remembered what I had done.
Why had I eaten so much? I hated myself for it.
The water started to get a little hot. I was about to sit up and turn on the cold tap but siddenly the scolding water felt almost welcoming.
The pain. I deserved the pain.
Maybe you'll think twice next time you feel like stuffing your face like a pig.
I sat in the hot water until my finger tips were wrinkled and pruned. My skin was red all over and steam was pouring off my body as I stepped out of the tub and gave myself one last look in the mirror before quickly wrapping a towel around my body and making my way to my bedroom.
Time for an early night.
YOU ARE READING
Confused and RefusedTeen Fiction
A three part story about three different girls who struggle to cope with their problems. They face every day life with little hope and hidden thoughts. Can each of them get through their darkness? Or will it consume them and swallow them whole. #Me...