Chapter 1

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I have always been terrified about my death. How would it happen? How would I cope? What would happen after? Would the world keep going without me?

No, No, No. It just couldn't!

I lay silent on top of my bed, thinking about the weirdest concepts of death.

Then I realized I was forgetting something...

Oh yes! How rude of me!

I forgot to introduce myself. You are probably sitting there wondering who the hell is this person thinking about weird things that are sadly part of life, like death.

My name is Cathy Dale and I am 17. Since we are on the subject, I might as well tell you about some of the things that really suck about my life.


Not long ago, precisely 2 months and 3 days, I was playing tennis. My favourite sport. I was in the final match of the tournament. Surprisingly I was winning."6-3" The coach was shouting.

"One more set!" I remember those words like it was yesterday. They came back to me every second in the hospital and by now, every day of my life. My heart was pumping as fast as never before inside my body. I could feel the shiver each time my racket brushed the ball and hit it over the cold net. Fear run through my stomach each second that passed before the ball could bounce back to me.

When suddenly, I felt something hurting my heart, it was a feeling I had never experienced before, which meant I couldn't explain it. I immediately collapsed on the floor and couldn't feel it pumping anymore. My blood stopped rushing inside my body, my veins became dry and my sweat was drilling faster and faster towards the dirty floor. The gravity pulled my body down towards the floor.

The last thing that I could remember were the doctors running towards me.

When I woke up I found myself in a hospital. St Mary's, to be precise. My mum was right next to me, holding my hand. She was crying. Tears brushing her smooth cheeks like a waterfall of sadness. I had no idea why though, I had never seen her cry.

She had always been so strong about things that went wrong in people's lives. I remember her telling me: "When bad things happen and you feel too sad, it's a sign you are weak. Keep the tears back and live through life like a movie. You never know, there might be a happy ending just around the corner."

Once she saw my eyes open, she immediately placed her head on my heart. "What's wrong mum?" I asked.

She called a doctor over, so he could explain to me what had happened.

The doctor firstly told me that I was never to play tennis again. The thought of not being able to hold up my racket again felt like a huge punch in the stomach. I had received this tennis racket when I was 12. Now 5 years had passed, but I loved and cared about my racket so much that I still use it now. This couldn't be true! A whole 5 years blown off, just like that, with one ugly phrase.

Then the doctor said that that was not the worst news.

My heart started racing. What?! Would could be worse than that? I thought naively...

As the doctor pronounced the words "heart" and "death" my mum's tears rushed down her cheeks, even faster than before.

I realized that I had less than a year left of life.

I had a serious heart problem which was incurable. They had given me the number of days left of my life. I was due to die on the day of my 18th Birthday. The day I had always dreamt about. The perfect party with all my best friends.

But all of this had just disappeared in a long dark tunnel, called "death".

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