Chapter 4, Survived.

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Calum's P.O.V 

After the movie, we went back to Luke's house and we all ate some pizza. Talking about the movie, I was quiet as always; just making side comment’s that would making everyone think I was the smartest human alive. 

“We should go, thanks’ for the pizza” Logan say’s, yawing, grabbing Holly and throwing her over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” Holly say’s tiredly, as they walk out of the front door.

“Well bye then!” Luke yelled as he went to close the front door.

“Ugh, I’m so tired” He mumbled jumping face first on to the couch.

“I need to do my homework” He grumbled, going upstairs and I felt-uneasy? I only come down stairs for 5 minutes at most, I don’t like being down here for too long. What if someone comes back? I can’t have that happen, I need to stay here.

“You coming up?” Luke said from behind me, startling me and I fell off the couch.

“Shit, sorry” He quickly mumbled, helping me up.

“Its fine-can we just go up to the room please” My head is killing me, and I just want to listen to some music. Or even sleep.

“Yeah sure” He gave me a fake smile.

“Don’t do that” I snapped, I didn’t really mean to-it just sort of come’s out.

“Do what?” Confusion quickly swept over his face, he looked hurt-man he’s so sensitive.

“Don’t give me those fake smiles; you say you’re not giving me any pity, of sympathy-but that’s all you’ve been doing. I don’t want to be lied to, just be honest with me, you don’t have to sugar coat stuff. Or even say that you like me, because for all I know you could hate me. But I wouldn’t care, as long as you were being 100% honest with me, I won’t be staying here for long-so for fuck sake. Don’t under any circumstances lie to me. Or I’ll be out of this house and this town within seconds” I say all together, raising my voice near the end.

“Okay” Was the only word that came out of his mouth, he had a blank look on his face.

We both walk up to his room, and I ran right the corner, plugging my headphones in. Pressing play, still waiting by sum 41 started playing. And I brought my leg’s up to my cheats, wrapping my arms around my legs and burying my head in them.

~Flash back~

“Calum Hood?” The nurse says, looking down at a clip bored.

“Yes, that’s me” I quickly say, getting up from my chair and walking towards her.

“Follow me please” She start’s walking down the corridor, and I follow closely behind her.

When we get in the room when she lay’s in a hospital bed, there’s a doctor yet again holding a clip bored. Searching through the paper’s on there again and again.

“How is she?” I ask him, moving slowly towards the bed.

“She’s getting better” He said, giving me a sad smile.

Bullshit, he always lie’s to me giving me false hope, that’s why I like to ask the nurses. They usually tell me a bit more of the truth; apparently she’s starting to get pain in the abdomen.

She’s losing weight at a rapid speed; I swear her eyes are turning a different colour. Her skin is yellowing, and I’m losing her a bit more each day that goes by.

The doctor were surprised that my mother got this rare type of cancer, usually only happens to men from the age’s 65+ but have known to rarely happen to woman at younger ages. I guess mum was one in a million.

At first the doctors were saying something about tumour ablation? But apparently that’s rarely used in this state. So she went under chemotherapy for a while. Until they didn’t see any change, and decided to go in to surgery, but that’s just it. She didn’t come out of there, I didn’t get to say good bye until her funnel.

~Flash back over~

Days are endless struggles for me, trying to appear ‘normal’ in some sort of way. I know there have been many who've had it worse than I, but that doesn't always mean that I wouldn't want to die. I’ve barley survived, this life can be like a roller coaster, it has its up’s and down’s. The downs are pretty rough, but the highs are what keep me breathing. I never have any energy, my minds always cluttered, making my thinking also cluttered. Almost anyone would be better to have a friends with, I’m pretty hopeless, I can’t do anything right. This is how I’ve felt my whole life-people are able to do amazing things with their life. And what can I do? Run away from home like a coward. No confidence, no self-esteem

Everybody else is right to hate me; the people who don’t hate me don’t know me.

Luke's P.O.V

Closing the door behind me, I grabbed my backpack and went to my desk. Pulling out the math’s homework I have, starting on that, I pulled out my IPod from the desk draw. And put the little ear buds in, when I pressed play the song Me-by the 1975 started play.

~I got a plane in the middle of the night, don't you mind

I nearly killed somebody, don't you mind don't you mind

I gave you something you can never give back, don't you mind

You've seen your face like a heart attack, don't you mind don't you mind~

The lyrics were something else; this was one of those songs that sent me in to a whole other world.

~I was late but I arrived

I'm sorry but I'd rather be getting high than watching my family die

Exaggerate and you and I~

Song’s by The 1975 are always really, relatable in some weird way. 

~Oh I think I did something terrible to your body, don't you mind

I put your mother through hell, don't you mind

I hurt your brother as well, don't you mind don't you mind

Oh I was thinking about killing myself, don't you mind

I love you, don't you mind don't you mind~

I finished the first page of the stupid calculus, moving on to the next. This stuff always makes me tired, I have an average score of B on most of my work, somite’s it goes up, most time’s it goes down.

~I put your mother through hell, don't you mind

I hurt your brother as well, don't you mind don't you mind

Oh I was thinking about killing myself, don't you mind

I love you, don't you mind don't you mind~ 

As the last words of the song are sung, I’m finished; it doesn’t ever take me long-unless I have something like tumblr or a friend distracting me. 


I don't know how I feel about this...

Yeah.. OK, Bye! 

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