We took our pace towards the entrance of the park. The guard looked at us and smiled. Zayn returned the gesture but I did not mind. Our pace slowed at the time we reached the walk path. There were many people--- children, workers, guardians, parents, and couples, like us.
Zayn also looked around, observing the changing ambiance as we walked further up to the forest park.
I looked at him. His features came more evident as the rays of sun reflected on his face. His expression was more than serious, his vision was straight, "Zayn?" I asked him. His head turned to me with his eyes searching for mine. What would I say? That the somewhat forest was beautiful? Or the place was quiet?
I just wanted to break the silence, that silence which kept me drowning in a pool of anxiety. It scared me to an immeasurable level, from the thought that he might find it hard to accept that we would be parting ways soon. It frightens me, really bad.
Like what if he would not let me? What if, because of his madness, he would replace me? I knew he would not do that. But being in this kind of state wherein you did not know whether you were still mentally stable, you could not just choose what your mind wants to think about.
Looking at our situation, it was pretty fine. He would call me everyday, except during classes, I would not let him. I treasure my studies very much, to the point that I grounded myself from going out of the house every weekdays. Zayn understood all of the rules I made for myself, and he was fine with it. We had our dates every weekend, of course with the permission from my parents.
Although he suffered from the vast number of limitations I had, he would not stop loving me. He never failed being the best boyfriend and best friend I loved the most.
Oftentimes, I thought of all the things I had done and all that came ringing back were the instances where I just continued to add bricks to my hundred meter wall. Somehow, Zayn managed to break some of it...
"Julia?" I could tell he was still waiting for me to say something. Looking at him, I said nothing. He smiled and tightly held my hand. "Are you happy?" He asked out of nowhere. I stopped in the middle of our tracks and faced him and his calm features. "Why would you ask that?"
The sun rays shone so bright that I kept squinting just to keep my vision. "Just answer me."
"I'm always happy when I'm with you," I said. I tried to smile in spite of the great amount of sunlight hitting my eyes. After this conversation I might earn myself cataracts. He noticed me squinting nonstop so he moved a little to the right to block the sun rays. Still smiling, he reached for my hand.
Touching his hand was really like the first time. In every single touch there were sparks. This made my heart beat faster. I could get used to this for a lifetime.
"I observed you get a little lonely sometimes," he continued. He placed our intertwined hands to his heart. I breathed a bit faster, was I bad at hiding emotions? It would be better if he just shrugged it off, right? I won't like to entertain his questions on what's bugging me because I did not have the energy to answer him anyway.
There was a long pause. He just stared at our hands, waiting for me to answer. The silence was supposed to be romantic, but I found myself anxiously digging for the right answer to tell him.
My eyes focused on our hands. His grip was tight, but it never felt like he was squeezing me. He stayed silent, patiently waiting for my explanation. It seemed like hours. But I did not want to tell him that we're going to part ways soon.
Because he would be hurt, that's for sure.
"Lonely? Me?" I tried to reveal a persuading face, making it sure that he thought wrong. He looked straight into my eyes, making my insides melt. "I know you're lonely, Julia. What's bugging you, love?"
"N-nothing, Zayn. You don't really have to worry about me." I remove my hands to hold on to his. "Are you sure?" he asked. His hand cupped my face, tilting it upward. Our faces were merely inches away from one another. Just one push and we would be kissing.
Zayn's eyes were beautiful. His brown irises glistened in the sun's scattered rays. My pupils dilated at such admiration for him.
"I'll miss you, Julia."
Faster than lightning, my heart raced. Almost all of the parts of my body began to perspire. He knew it? All along? It's very impossible! I kept that as a secret for a long time without anyone knowing it except my family!
Could it be Liam's fault?
"I-I, y-you what?" I nervously asked. What if he was boiling inside because I had not told him? Would we fight because I was hiding secrets? He looked incredibly calm in the outside, but Zayn was always reserved. And when he's angry, he's also silent. It was hard to determine his feelings for he was not very transparent unlike me.
My heart thudded loud and fast. I could not predict what might happen if he knew what I was hiding from him. He knew that I could be trusted, and I did not want to waste it. Random thoughts floated in my mind and I could not control it anymore. Suddenly, tears began to cloud my vision and it streamed down my cheeks.
"Honey?" he said as he struggled to catch a glimpse of my face. I should have felt butterflies in my stomach now, but pain and hurt overcame much more. I sounded like I was grieving, but I had to face the consequence of this no matter how I feared the worst. And the first way was to remove all the heavy load in my heart.
"Julia, please. Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?" He lifted my face with his hands despite how hard I struggled to hide my face away from his sight.
"I'm sorry, Zayn," I cried over my tears. Was this the end of all?
"For what? Uh, nevermind. I love you Julia, so please tell me, what's wrong?" He placed his lips on my forehead, sending bolts of electricity all over my body. Maybe he was not mad at all?
"I hid something from you, Zayn," I said in between hiccups. I stopped crying for a while, even though tears streamed down my cheeks.
He brushed the tears off with his thumb and tried to let me focus into his eyes. His expression was a mix of curiosity and hurt.
My heart shattered into pieces as I felt sorry for him. Never did I ever wanted to hurt him, and seeing the pain in his eyes because of me made me want to cry again.
He stayed silent, waiting for me to continue.
"It was a secret. I hid it from you for a very long time. From the time we were still dating..." I suddenly had a lost of words. The pain was too much to carry on, but Zayn remained patiently waiting for me to tell him all of the details.
"My parents pushed me to fly to New York and live with my aunt Jesse. You know her right?" He nodded. My arms embraced myself as I struggled to remain composure. His hands were placed on my waist, and as I continued to talk, the more his grip loosened.
"They said I should continue my studies there. They already prepared all the requirements, and just my decision was needed. But I don't want to. I was so afraid of telling you that I tried to avoid you, but then I found out that I couldn't do that too," I paused for a moment before continuing, "And then my parents and I had a long discussion a day ago. A very long one. They told me that I'm going to fly after three days."
"Three days?!" Zayn incredulously replied. His grip tightened. "How come you-" "I was trying Zayn! But I don't want to hurt you. I was planning if I'll just escape and miss the flight... and runaway with you."
He was very shocked. I placed my hands on his chest in an attempt to comfort him. "You don't have to do that, Julia. I respect your parents' decision, and if it's the best for your future, then might as well have a go for it," he said.
I was the same, shocked at his words. He sounded so sincere, and I felt so embarrassed that I never trusted him nor myself.
"I'm just very surprised that you'll be gone after 3 days. Three days! I don't know what to do, I can't just cope up with it for 72 hours! I...I don't know, Julia. I don't know if I can ever let myself watch you go," he said as his voice cracked.
I was hurt and confused at the same time. So he did not know I was going away? What did he meant by 'I'll miss you'? Was there something he was hiding from me, too?
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Pro...missed (On Hold)Fanfiction
A story about love and promises, In a reality where heartbreak and broken vows reign. Where he says "I promise", But in the end it's a pro...missed. A Fan fiction by hystericaladventurer.