4 - First Day Back (Phil)

605 16 4


I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling thinking about the day that is ahead of me. School, another day another week another year of being a brain dead zombie

"yay", wow you can hear the sarcasm just leaking out of that.


I grab my phone and switch off the alarm, which I didn't even need I woke up an hour ago having a mini panic attack. These stupid things have been getting worse the closer school has been getting, I'm just glad I had managed to calm myself down before the one this morning had gotten too bad. Reflecting on everything that has happened since I woke up I mentally yell at myself
'why do you keep doing this you stupid person, just control yourself and calm down'.
Feeling even worse, after just getting mad at myself, I decide I might as well get ready for school. Slowly getting off of my bed I grab my phone and make my way over to my cupboard, where I had put away all the clothes that I got yesterday. I just casually stare at everything hoping something metaphorically jumps out at me, if something did jump at me I would probably scream and how manly would that be? I eventually pick some skinny jeans, surprise surprise, a plain T-shirt and a jacket.

Walking down the stairs I decide that I will skip breakfast, I already feel horrible and I don't want any possibility of me getting nauseous as well. I walk out the front door and look around, it is a nice day a bit warm for my liking but I guess I will just have to suck it up. Slowly but quite steadily I make my way to school, early as always, and try to go unnoticed as I make my way to form.

"Why is he wearing a jacket? it's like 40 degrees" I over hear someone saying and just speed up just a few meters away from my form room. Once I'm outside the door I quietly open the door, slip in and as quietly as I can close it again I don't want anyone knowing I'm in here. I always like to get to form early so I can sit in my spot in the corner and just think, mainly about how worthless I am but that doesn't matter. Even though I am alone I keep my head down and walk to my spot, looking up only once I am a few steps away. When I look up I see something I wasn't expecting and I internally freak out

'Who is he?'

'Why is he in my spot?'

'What do I do?'

'Do I walk away?'

I notice him looking at me and that just makes everything worse

'OMG he's looking at me, he must know I'm a freak'

'Do I say something?'

'Hurry up you stupid brain and send some helpful message to some other part of my body to get out of this awkwardness'

However my brain doesn't do anything, why would it when I desperately need it to? that's when he talks up

"Hi, my name is Dan what's yours?". Ok that's easy enough I know that one,

"Phil" oh god that's it that's all you're going to say gosh Phil you suck. He obviously works out that I'm not going to say anything else and says

"Sorry, am I in your spot?". Oh no what do I say to that do I tell him the truth? Will he think I'm a freak?
'don't be silly he already thinks you're a freak'
thanks brain, not helping. I decide I might try to be normal

"umm... No, it's umm ok" brilliant that's what you come up with brain not only did I whisper it but I sound like I have no idea what I'm doing. I mean I don't know what I'm doing he IS in my spot, where do I sit now? As I stand there mentally battling with myself where I could possibly sit now, before you say anything yes I know all the other spots are free but he's in mine. When I realise that I have been standing in front of Dan for well over a minute staring at the ground, probably looking constipated, I decide to look up and find another seat. However when I look up Dan is standing against the back wall relaxing, when I look at him he smiles, and oh that smile he has dimples I have always had a weak spot for dimples, and says
"pick a seat, any seat".

I stare at him for a while and he just smiles gesturing towards the spot he was in and I sit down, in my spot. I placed my hands on my lap under the table, mainly so he couldn't see them shaking, and he sits down next to me. Wait what!? he did, he sat next to me, why would he do that? no one sits near me.

"You don't mind do you?" he asks I just shake my head, slightly in shock at the fact that SOMEONE JUST SAT NEXT TO ME. I have a million thought running through my head

'He just wants to make fun of you'

'He just wants to know why you're so weird'

These thoughts only make me shake more and become exponentially more panicked as I try to keep my breathing even. As I try to keep calm I slightly look around, trying not to move, at things that could distract me in this situation and I notice he is staring at what looks like his timetable so I stare too, trying not to let him see me and making me look like a stalker.

Not too long after me practically memorising his whole timetable, it really does sound stalkerish when I say it doesn't it?, the bell goes and I look up for a second to see that the class is full before looking back at Dans timetable.

Form went by with no problems at all so when the teacher lets us go I stand up ready to make my way to the door when Dan says

"I saw you looking at my timetable, are we in any classes together?". I know to most people that would mean hey let's be friends but lets face it I'm not most people, I freaked and my brain went into overdrive once again.

'You freak, he caught you'

'He thinks you're a stalker'

'You're never going to have a friend now'

'Stop getting in everyone's way'

'You should never leave your room'

With all these things going through my head I walk out of the classroom and run straight to the bathroom trying to calm down.

Phan (Trigger Warning)Lisez cette histoire GRATUITEMENT !