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Pen Your Pride

Dark before Dawn?

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"It's always the darkest before dawn,"

That's what my doctor says. It's what everyone around me has been repeating - successfully drilling the phrase into my head.

Everyone says that if i were to ever feel like I'm about to be suffocated by the cold darkness around me, it would help if i were to repeat it. So i did, knowing that it wouldn't change a thing.

"Dark before dawn Jem, dark before dawn," i mumble over and over again as i trudge up to the stairs in my apartment after a horrible day at work filled with me working on projects that weren't even mine but my colleagues.That idiot is a huge slacker and everyone knew  the only reason he's still working there was because he was married to the bosses daughter.

I am still repeating the miracle phrase as i shut my apartment door behind me. I stopped and looked around. It was a spacious apartment i had to admit. Filled with good hard earned furniture. I loosen my tie and raised my voice,

"DARK!" i slumped my shoulders...unable to lie to myself anymore but finishing the sentence anyway, "before dawn,' i mutter and plop myself down on the plush rustic coloured sofa in the living room.

Letting my tired aching body get swallowed by the plushness of the sofa - I let my mind wallow in its warped thoughts. Maybe they're right - in a way. There just can't be only this depressing, suffocating, condemning feelings and situation making up life. I refuse to believe that this was what life held in store. Only stocking up on the dark and cold.

So for a long time, I decided to wait, excited for that long awaited light heart-ed feeling to finally take over. To be able to fell warmth inside me. Bliss, i think, is the best expression for that unfathomable emotion. That feeling i've never felt before. Not yet, anyway.

 I've waited practically all my life for it. 25 years to be exact. For that unexplainable feeling. Trying to keep my hopes up and not letting the logical - knowing part of me get to me and my positive thinking.

But lately I'm starting to think that maybe this dawn - this blissfulness? It's all just made up myths. Something for people like me, who are stuck in this cold darkness called life, to be able to find some hope. Or atleast something to lift our spirits up.

Either way i might ....

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