Filthy Little Secret - Draco x reader

20 - Always

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: discussing death of a parent ⚠️

Only 10 minutes later, Draco storms in. Pansy must have told him anyway.

"Y/N, there you are", he says and walks up to me. I'm staring out of the window without blinking.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asks and kneels down besides me.

"I'm fine. I told Pansy I didn't want to talk", I say.

"I know. But you should know by know that I'm not one to follow rules", he says and takes my hand.

I quickly take it back, knowing that I'll burst into tears if he manages to break through my barrier. It remains silent for a while.

"Did I do something?" he asks after a while. I shake my head.

"Y/N, just talk to me, please", he says and I sigh. I have to get out of here before I explode.

"I have to go", I say and stand up.

"No, Y/N, wait!" he says and pulls me back.

He takes me by my shoulders and sighs.

"I don't know what's going on, but please know that you can talk to me. That's what I'm here for, okay? I'm worried about you."

"Just let me go, please", I say and tears start forming. "I can't talk about it", I say, louder this time.

I try to get out of his grip, but it's too strong.

"Why not?" he asks.

"Because I can't! I can't handle that! Just please leave me alone!" I shout.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me", he says.

"Just respect my bloody decision, it has nothing to do with you!"

"It is affecting you, so it's affecting me. I'm not gonna leave you here like this."

Tears are running down my cheek uncontrollably.

"I might be able to help", he says.

"No you can't, no one can!" I shout.

"Why not?"

"Because she's dead! She's dead and she's not coming back!" I scream and break down completely.

My hands are shaking like crazy as I bring them towards my face. "She's dead...." I cry as my knees give out and I fall to the ground. "She's dead."

I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. My eyes are wide open in fear as memories of my mum at the hospital flash in front of my eyes. Her crying, her being sick, the doctors telling me that she has lost the fight. I hear the beeps from the heart monitor and they're so loud that they block out everything else. Except the screaming. I can hear my fourteen year old self screaming at my dad. Telling him that she needs to come back. Telling him to do something magical to bring her back. And he's just staring into the distance without any trace of emotion. She didn't come back.

I know I'm in a full panic attack and I know I have to stop it before I faint. I don't want to faint on this day. I have to live through it. I have to feel it.

I rock back and forth as I clench my jaw and rest my head on my knees. I slowly start to feel again. I feel my lip tingling from where I bit on it, I can feel the muscles of my hand getting tired from gripping my legs so tightly, I can feel a headache coming up. But most of all I feel arms around me. I feel a head resting on mine. I feel one hand caressing my hair as the other one is held firmly on my back. And I start to hear again. The beeping slowly decreased in volume until it disappears and all that there is left to hear are my sobs and him telling me that everything is going to be okay. Slowly but surely, I let his words consume me and I lean into him. I let my head rest on his chest and feel his heartbeat. I try to breath in and out every other heartbeat and before I realise it, my breathing is back to normal. He kisses my head and repeats again that everything is going to be okay.