Playlist: Sia- Chandelier, Lykke Li- Until we Bleed
- Joe's POV - (Note: This chapter is the exact same time period as the chapter previous to this one, the difference is that it's now it's Joe's POV instead of Caspar's. You can skip this chapter if you'd like, as it's not super important, but it does have details and events were not not included in Caspar's POV.)
"Tell me." I heard Zoe say, as I sat still, afraid that if I moved, my world might crash and burn. Me sitting still seemed to be the only thing keeping me conscious.
"Tell you?" I mumbled, careful to only move my lips, as my voice came out in monotone.
"Tell me your story, Joe."
"You know my life, Zoe. You're my sister." I could feel my eyebrow twitching. I stilled it, and willed it not to move again.
"You know what I mean." She said, sitting next to me. I felt an urge to move away. I didn't want to welcome any human contact.
"Not even your own sister would understand us. You've told her about us already, and she didn't understand. She doesn't understand. She won't understand," The voices chanted in my ears.
"I don't like my story." I said, trying to control the voices.
"Joe, it's okay. You can trust me."
"You worthless piece of scum. Zoe doesn't trust you. She never will. She hates you, Joe. You tried to kill Caspar. She fears you. She thinks you might kill her. She doesn't want to be sitting next to you. She just wants evidence. She doesn't care about you."
I finally moved. I covered my ears, as if that would shut out the voices. But they still slipped in, through the cracks that would never be filled, "Keep trying to shut us out. Keep trying, Joe. You're wasting your energy. But watching you is amusing. You can't do anything. You're useless, aren't you?"
"I really don't like my story." I said, uncovering my ears, and turning to Zoe frantically. The voices were like fire inside of me. They burned my mind, the same way fire burned dry grass. I was becoming empty. Caspar was like water. He was able to stop the flames. But the flames inside me had tried to kill him. And everyone knows, fire and water can never work. They've always been and always will be sworn enimies.
"Are you happy Joe?"
"I'm living but I'm not... feeling. I've shut out my feelings again. I don't want to feel." I confessed, as my head began to throb.
"Living and breathing are not synonyms." Zoe said, placing her hand over my eyes, to try and help shut out light for my headache to stop.
"What do you mean?" I muttered under my breath.
"You'll have to figure it out yourself, Joe. You can't always run away from things. The reason the voices have gotten is so strong is because everytime you run, they seize that opportunity and take control a little stronger. You have to fight back." She answered, rubbing her hand on my back. I felt like a child being comforted by their mother. I pulled away from her touch.
"Then why did you even want to know my story?" I snapped. I wasn't mad at Zoe. I was just mad at the world. Mad at myself.
"Because sometimes, knowing, just knowing someone else understands can help you a lot. And saying it out loud, can help you truly realize what you're going through, and while in the end it's up to you, I can always try me best to offer advice."
"Caspar!" I heard in the near distance.
Zoe and I looked at each other, not being able to contain the smiles that were forming onto our faces.
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He Loves Me... Not? || Jaspar Fanfic (Caspar lee x Joe Sugg)Fanfiction
"Friends can cuddle, right?" I asked, inching closer to Joe. "Yeah." Joe said, opening one eye adorably to look at me. "They can kiss too?" I whispered, his scent alone sending chills up my spine.