bts pt.2 // kim seokjin //

scene 5

Inhale.

Seokjin looked at the clock that was sitting on his bed side table. Five minutes pass three.

Exhale.

He was sitting up, deep, silent breaths he produced. His hair messed up, tired eyes half opened, shaking body. He wants to scream. He wants shout. He wants to cry.

"Ah–"

Seokjin slapped his hand to his mouth when a whimper escaped his lips. He shook when he turned his head to his room mate. He held his breath when he saw Yoongi shift on his bed, turning his body, his back now facing Seokjin. He heard his younger's shallow breaths, he, himself, letting out his own, shaking.

He kept his hand on his mouth, his eyes squeezed shut. He swallowed his whimpers and cries, the lump in his throat forced down. He waited for tears to fall. But not one fell.

He felt himself suffocate, his eyebrows furrowed, he wanted something to comfort him. And those tears are the closest to comforting him. He squeezed his eyes shut.

I can't fucking breathe.

He felt like he was drowning. He can't make a sound, he had a hard time breathing.

Inhale.

His other hand clenched into a fist. He tried his best to stay calm, but previous events flashed to his mind.

Exhale.

"Why can't you get it right, hyung?"

He bit his lower lip, harsh whistles from his nose as he breathed heavily. He knew it to himself. He can never get anything right. No matter how much he tried.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, hyung?"

He placed his clenched fist to his head, his fingers burying themselves into his hair, pulling a handful as he gripped into it. He winced from the pain as continued to tug his messy hair. He knew something was wrong with him, like, he has been finding for ways to cope. Guess what. He continues to deny the fact something was wrong. He can't accept the fact that something was wrong. He can't

"You're actually getting better. Getting better at fucking up–"

He rubbed his eyes, trying his best to make it swell, atleast to produce a tear.

Should he? Should he accept the demons lurking in his mind.

"I'm just so frustrated that Jin-hyung can't even catch up with us."

He slowed down his breathing. Calming himself as he stopped rubbing his eyes, the hand that remained plastered on his mouth, slowly going limp yet still at place.

He should. It may be for the better. Right?

"Great, I'm sorry, hyung. I'm sorry for wasting my time on you, ending up disrespecting you. I'm so sorry."

He opened his eyes slowly, both his hands falling limp at his sides. He stared blankly at the wall. For the first time in a long time. He actually smiled genuinely.

Seokjin's smile dropped. He can't anymore. He felt silent. He felt empty. So empty, it was painful.

Embracing the truth. So this is what it feels like?