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While Bradley was in high school, there was this one boy he could never take his eyes off of his name was Sebastian. He was so fascinating at least to Bradley he was. Bradley often starred at the boy in his English class and ended up snapping out of it when the bell rang.

But with the butterflies dancing in his stomach and his heart beating so fast that it was all he could hear he always decided against talking to him. Sebastian was like a walking daydream with his sparkling chocolate eyes and his quiffed black hair. Bradley didn't want to be his friend, he wanted to be his lover but he always just assumed that Sebastian was straight.

So he stared at him fondly and daydreamed about them being together. Bradley's friends always laughed about his crush or how they say his obsession. Luckily his friends weren't like most people's and didn't force him to talk to or push him into Sebastian.

Which he was grateful for. Bradley often thought about what would happen if his friends were like that and shoved him into Sebastian. He imagined it would go down one of two ways. The first being Sebastian asking him if he was okay and him nodding too afraid that he would stutter and then Sebastian smiling at him and telling him to be careful before walking away. The second way he imagined is that Sebastian would stare down at him angrily and tell him to watch where he's going and he would back up trying not to cry then Sebastian would bump his shoulder on purpose and walking away.

Bradley hated and feared the idea of Sebastian being hurtful to him all he wanted was for Sebastian to take care of him and love him. He imagined a thousand of ways that encounter could go down but those seem the most reasonable to him. They both end with Sebastian never talking to him again because he was just being nice or mean.

Bradley couldn't ever see them as friends or lovers even though he wished they were he could barely even see them as acquaintances. They weren't meant for each other and Bradley needed to accept that fact. But those ravishing brown eyes and plump pink lips made it so challenging.

Sebastian was Bradley's definition of perfection. Sebastian probably doesn't even know who he is, and that thought always made Bradley sorrowful. Oh, what Bradley wouldn't give for Sebastian to just notice him or send a smile in his direction.

His pearly whites and dimples were a sight to behold. Every little thing Sebastian did enticed Bradley greatly. He was falling more and more in love with Sebastian as the days went by.

He kept trying to tell himself it was a lost cause and he should find someone that would want to date him, but he couldn't shake his feelings. It's like Sebastian's a siren but just by looking at him you're entranced and then when you hear him talk you fall deeper into his trap. Bradley wished he was more confident and could just walk up to Sebastian and tell him how he feels so he could just get it over with and move on.

But he was too shy and awkward and just the thought of doing that made his anxiety rise and bile rise up his throat. Bradley hated how he was so shy and awkward. He hated his anxiety and his self-deprecating mind. He wished that it would all disappear so he could live a tranquillising life.

Sometimes he even wished that he was straight so he wouldn't have to deal with having a crush on Sebastian. Perhaps they could have been best friends in an alternative universe where Bradley was straight and confident. Bradley wished that he could be in that universe because at least then he would a part of Sebastian's life. Instead of just being like an extra in a movie.

Sebastian would be the star of that movie and Bradley would only have a half a second in the film may be even less than that because who would want to have an ugly gay boy in their film. In Bradley's mind, he's just an ugly gay nerd with no life. You could try to tell him differently but he would just blow you off assuming you're lying or we're dared to say that.

He doesn't think he's good for anyone or that anybody would love him. Depression hit Bradley hard when he was still in the closet. He spent a whole school year thinking of ways to kill himself or get himself killed and what he would write on his suicide note. It got so bad that after trying his hardest to stay away from self-harming and committing suicide he couldn't take the pain anymore and started to self-harm.

It didn't last for long though because he was too much of a wuss to cut deep and just ended up scratching his skin twice before he cried in pain. Bradley was never good with pain he would try to cover it up in front of people and act like he was okay but he would silently cry when nobody was looking and then when they were far enough so nobody could hear him he would sob.

Bradley hated that part of him the most especially since it made him feel like a little kid and not a seventeen-year-old. He hated nearly everything about himself except how soft and fluffy his hair is and his eyes. To him, those were his only good qualities.

He wished all his bad thoughts would just float away and leave him with nothing but happiness and pleasure. He at least deserved that well at least he thought he did. But what made him deserve to have happiness all he did was focus on the negative things in life.

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A thousand and thirteen words of just an actual chapter of something holy shit. I don't think I've ever written this much for a chapter before. Also, for some reason, I came up with this Bradley Simpson book and I've never read any fanfics about him before but I've been stanning him since 2014. But also it's January 1st, 2019 and somehow my mind is very clear and I don't have writer's block anymore after like seven months. Like I could actually maybe make this chapter two thousand words if I wanted too.

Also, this was literally how I was in 8th grade and then 9th I was just numb and tired and now I'm always looking on the bright side of things and nothing really affects me anymore. I'm just at peace.

So anyways a new chapter might be out soon for this like you guys might even get a new chapter tomorrow or sometime this week.

Also, I wrote this in my coming soon book because I was just planning on writing a summary but then this happened.

This is also my first shot as doing a third person book btw.

Anyways, this years already off to a good start and I wrote this in a little over an hour. I started writing this at nine something in the morning.

I hope you guys had an amazing New Year's Eve and how are you guys liking this book so far?

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~xox Ashton

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