Old Stuff

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Rule Number Forty-Two: Always give a second chance.

Kelly's apartment was in Brooklyn and it reminded me a lot of the one that I had before meeting Tom.

I wondered if I could get it back once we had decided what we were going to do. Kelly clanged in her kitchen not saying anything other than a hello when I came. I deserved it, to be ignored. I hadn't been very nice to her before.

And besides coming to the hospital briefly to see if I was okay and show that she cared I hadn't seen her much at all.

I needed to say sorry and I also needed someone to talk to about my situation. Either no one would understand or it was too risky to tell them.

"You look great" she mumbled coming back into the room with two cups of tea. It was a comment made with good intentions but I was sick of everyone saying that.

The only person I liked hearing it from was Harry. Because I'd always been suspicious about his attraction to me.

"Thanks" I smiled placing the cup back on the table because it was searing through my hands.

Her home was always welcoming and I loved spending my time here. Everything had went weird in the last couple of months. I didn't have time for anyone, not even myself.

"Should I just cut to the chase?" I bluntly asked. Apologizing came first and then I would pour my heart out to her about my situation.

Her face brightened "Sure, we were never the type to carry on. I know you were going through some stuff".

"But that doesn't excuse my behaviour".

Kelly was one of my dearest friends, she has been through everything with me. There was nothing that she would've done with ill intent.

As time went on I realized that I was a bad person. I wasn't the same person I was a year ago. Or maybe I was and I'd just had the chance to flourish in my own true colours.

Hearing Harry go on about how much he hated New York because of the people and the environment he grew up around annoyed me. It did so because I didn't believe him and thought he was talking out of his ass.

But now I wondered if he was right. I'd been as selfish as anyone else. I was just like the rest of them. So why was he so drawn to me?

My self pitying should have annoyed him but it didn't and he craved it.

I'd gotten married because I was scared of dying alone and was convinced I was undesirable. I'd started an affair with Harry because I was intrigued by him. I'd gotten so caught up in image that I'd given myself an eating disorder although it was well on its way.

I was supposed to be everything Harry hated.

"Your right it doesn't. But if you say your sorry I'll forgive you" she smiled reaching across to grab ahold of my hand on the table to give it a squeeze.

Her smile was warm and I smiled back. She wouldn't think I was a good person once I told her what I was up too.

"So what's new?" Kelly asked grabbing her tea, giving it a slight blow before taking a sip.

I silently chuckled to myself, a chuckle of discomfort.

Shifting in my seat I wrung my hands under the table.

"Well I took a leave of absence from my job. Which to be honest doesn't really affect me too much" I dipped my toe in the waters to test them.

"And I moved out of my parents house because me and Tom have separated" the last part came out quickly, hoping to have slipped past her.

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