Playlist: Zee Avi- Honeybee, Hatsune Miku- Rolling Girl
- Joe's POV -
I felt a strange power when I let the voices take over. I felt... invincible. Like nobody could hurt me, and I couldn't hurt myself.
"Why don't you go show Caspar again? Show him what you can do now. Show him!" The voices hissed. I never ignored them now. I always did what they said. And in the end, everything always turned out well for me.
I felt my knuckled clench as I knocked on the door. Except I wasn't knocking. They were.
The door opened, and Caspar stood before me in shock. I saw the rest of the group sitting on the bed, staring.
I started to grow nearvous when, "Walk away from them. Go to the bathroom with Caspar. Get away from them."
That's right. As long as I let the voices take over, I held all the power. I smiled at Caspar, and waved to the others. They looked wary of me, but said nothing as I lead Caspar into the bathroom before locking it.
"You are disgusting Caspar." I heard my mouth moving, but it was the voices talking, "The only good thing you've done is create me. The new found me. The better me. But I don't need you anymore."
"Joe's not here," I heard myself singing.
My arms reached out, and I felt my fingers clasp around Caspar's neck. As my fingers tightened, I could almost feel the firey pain shoot down Caspar's throat.
No. NO! This isn't what I wanted. Stop. STOP! I screamed to myself, but I didn't stop. They didn't stop. I needed to take over the voices. But I couldn't get out. But I had to. For Caspar.
"Joe," Caspar gasped for air, "We can fix this." He looked so helpless. So weak. I needed to save him.
As the fingers attatched to my body tightened it's grip around his neck, I could feel myself rising. I was fighting for control over my body. Stay with me, Caspar. Keep fighting. I'm going to save you.
'YOU CAN'T FIX THIS!" I felt my nails digging into Caspar's flesh.
I could see. I could see Caspar's face go red, then flash purple. I could feel, I could feel my fingers around Caspar's neck.
"Oh my God." I said out loud, as I loosened my grip. I let my hands cover my mouth, as I dropped to the floor.
"Oh my God." I repeated, as I stared as Caspar's limp body.
"You're welcome." I heard the voices laugh maliciously into my ear.
"Joe? Caspar? Is everything alright?" I heard a voice say outside of the door.
My throat was dry. I couldn't speak. I couldn't listen. I heard a crashing sound. I saw the broken pieces of wood shattered onto the ground. Alfie had broken the door.
I balled my fists and put them in front of myself defensively, "STOP! STOP STOP!" I screamed, my piercing voice echoing off the bathroom walls.
"Shh, shh, Joe. Nobody is hurting you." Zoe took a hesitant step forward. She stared at me, but turned her head slightly towards Alfie as she whispered, "Get Caspar."
I dropped to my knees, wrapping my arms around them. I let my fingernails dig into my own flesh. The same fingernails that had dug into Caspar's neck. I felt my skin cut open and I felt cool liquid drip down my legs. The pain was not enough to calm me down. It wasn't enough to stop me from screaming.
Zoe bent down, and put a hand on my shoulder. My head shot up, "DON'T TOUCH ME! Get away from me! Never touch me again! I am a monster! LEAVE!"
"You're not going to hurt me, Joe. You aren't a monster. You are strong, and great, and I love you." Zoe was lying. I could hear the fear in her voice. I could see the tears in her eyes as her gaze shot over to Caspar. She didn't love me. She feared me. She hated me.
"We can help," I heard the familiar voices whisper.
"Noooooo!" My scream was so loud, I had to cover my own ears.
"Should we call 911?" I heard Troye's voice somewhere in the distance. It was all becoming so unreal. My eyes darted around. Zoe in front of me, talking to me but looking at Caspar. Alfie was carrying Caspar's limp body out of the room. Troye was looking at the wall, his face red. Tyler throwing up. And this was all... because of me.
"Don't call 911. They'd arrest Joe." I heard Zoe's voice. She was right in front of me, yet it sounded as if she was miles away. I could barely hear here. I was drowning.
Arrest me? I'd go to jail. Good. I deserved that. I needed to be locked up. I needed to be seperated from everyone.
"But... Caspar isn't in good shape at all." Troye said, hesitantly.
"CALL 911!" I screamed.
"No." Zoe said calmly, "Joe. We're going to go out into the room and take care of Caspar. Are you going to be okay in here alone.
"You're not alone," I heard the voices chuckle.
I nodded at Zoe though. Why wouldn't the voices leave? I had taken over them, so why were they still there?
"You can't get rid of us, Joe. You can never get rid of us. We are a part of you. And you are a part of us. We can never be seperated. Joe. We are you. You created us. And you can't undo that."
I created them. I knew, deep inside myself, that I did. The angry, sad, depressed, spiteful side of me had created them. I had created my own worst nightmare. I was my own worst nightmare.
"You love Caspar," I said to the voices, "You don't want to hurt him. You don't want to say cruel things to him. You want to change. You want to be happy."
"Shut up!" They screamed, trying to silence me. But I was feeling powerful. I didn't need them. I had myself.
"Caspar saved you. You are horrible for trying to kill him. You love Caspar, you love Caspar, you love Caspar." I sang to the voices.
They didn't respond anymore. Had I done it? Had I finally gotten rid of them.
"Joe.. are you okay?" Zoe asked, peeking her head into the door.
"I'm much better," I answered, and I was. I had gotten rid of the voices. I was free.
"What happened?" Zoe asked, stepping in through the broken door.
"I let the voices take over. Everything was easier when I let them control me. I was blind to how evil they were. I was so blind, Zoe. It was scary but it was comforting. I felt like nobody could hurt me. But then the voices were hurting Caspar. No, I was hurting Caspar. But I managed to take over the voices. But... by the time I had control Caspar was on the floor. Is he okay Zoe? Please tell me he's okay. I need Caspar. I need Caspar Zoe. I'm horrible. I did all this. All of this is my fault."
"Shhh, Joe. It's not your fault. We're all just so thankful you're okay, Joe. We're so thankful..."
"Caspar." I repeated, "Is. He. Okay?" Half of me feared the answer. No, all of me feared the answer.
Zoe bit her lip, and put her head down, "It's not your fault, Joe. It isn't. None of us blame you. We all understand. We all do, really."
"But it is your fault Joe. It is all your fault. And they all hate you. Zoe is lying to you. They all fear you and hate you." The voices were back.
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He Loves Me... Not? || Jaspar Fanfic (Caspar lee x Joe Sugg)Fanfiction
"Friends can cuddle, right?" I asked, inching closer to Joe. "Yeah." Joe said, opening one eye adorably to look at me. "They can kiss too?" I whispered, his scent alone sending chills up my spine.