Shattered-(A Loki Fanfic and sequel to Broken)

Chapter Thirty-Five

"Do you need any assistance?" a woman asked. I turned to see a woman wearing a name badge behind us.

"Oh, uh, yeah, if you don't mind," I answered.

"Of course not. What did you have in mind?"

"I, uh, I know it's probably unusual, but do you have any black wedding dresses?" She didn't seemed phased by the question. Elisa gave me a weird look, though.

"Absolutely. We have a small section towards the back. Follow me." She guided us through the store until we came to a rack filled with black dresses. "Here we are. If you need anything else, just let me know."

"Thank you." She walked away, and I began to look through the shelf.

"I'm sorry, black? This is a wedding, not a funeral," Elisa said.

"I know, but it's my wedding. I'll wear whatever the hell I want," I said calmly.

"Suit yourself. What kind of dress are we looking for?"

"I have no idea." She sighed. "Well, I don't."

"You're hopeless, you know that?" I just nodded and kept looking.

After a little while of pulling almost everything off the shelf, Elisa shoved me into a dressing room. She stepped in and shut the door behind us.

"Try this one first," she told me. I pulled off my jacket and shirt and set them down. "Oh my God." I turned towards her to see what was wrong.

"What is it?" I followed her gaze and saw that she was looking at my bare arms. "Crap." I had gotten so caught up in the moment that I completely forgotten about my arms.

"Lilith, what... what happened?" she asked. She reached her hand towards me but i jerked my arm away.

"It... It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it? Lilith, for fuck's sake, you have scars all over your damn arms." I noticed that she tried not to say it too loud. "So I'm going to fucking worry about it. Explain."

"I-I..." I decided it would be best to tell her. She was going to find out eventually. "I was in a dark place after Loki 'died'. I didn't know what else to do."

"You could have come to me. You know that."

"I know. I should have, but I was stupid. The pain... the pain was a distraction. I thought he was dead, Elisa. I really did." I sat on the chair that was in the room. Talking about it started to make my head feel cloudy again. It felt real again, almost like he was still gone. "I blamed myself. I thought I could have saved him. All that time I thought he was dead."

"Oh, Lilith." She knelt down beside me. I had started tearing up so my voice broke when I spoke.

"I locked myself in his room. I took one good look at myself and shattered his mirror. From then on out, I kept a piece of it. As both a reminder and something to use. I told myself every night that I wasn't good enough. I was worthless. That it was my fault he was dead. I would just lay in bed all day and remind myself of those things. I hardly ate, and I slept to try to run. The only thing that seemed to help was... the cutting. I... I'm sorry, I know that was dreadful, but telling you was honestly a relief." She was stunned.

"Does... Does Loki know?"

"Yeah. He wants to help me, too. He always tells me that I can fight it. That we can fight it together. He's always got my back. I really don't deserve him."

"Do you... Do you still do it?" I hesitated. "Lil?"

"Yeah, sometimes. Not nearly as much, but when things get really rough I... I just can't help it."