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I stared at the man in front of me. The image of a man with tears flowing on that once prominent and honored face all throughout Thailand. The face that has always had that calm and intellectual demeanor. That face, in front of me, is shedding tears.

But I felt numb, like someone pushed the pause button of my life. I was looking at him, but not really seeing him. It's as if I'm looking at the face of a stranger. A stranger who had altered my past and made me live in misery for years.



My minds muddled with too many questions, yet the answers seems so far out there. Trying to find a acceptable reason. After being told about everything, I feel like drowning to an endless abyss of pain. All of those words, the confession, the regret in Dad's words, I heard them all. Each truth that been revealed, I heard them all.

I know my parents didn't approve of us, but never had I thought they could do something like this. I mean..this can't be right? Dad can't be that harsh. Parents can hurt their child like that. Right??Right??somebody tell me..this is not true..somebody please..

My hearts winched in pain..Too much clawed hands stricken my chest. And inch by inch those sharp claws dig deeper and deeper to reached my heart. I could feel how each sharp edges crawled and scraped each layer it passes. And finally it holds my heart and took it out..crashing...shredding...smashed...

I wrapped my trembling hands around my head and pulled down my hair till my scalped tinges. My head's aching, my minds buzzing, the thumping of my heart is painful. Each heartbeat is a pained labor. I shut my eyes as tightly as possible. I was hoping in doing so, it could take away all of these..

"No!!!!! This can't be..This can't be happening??", I repeated those words like a mantra to save me from a curse. A curse that gonna bring me misery. Tears streaming down my face and it had soaked my denim.

I had no idea how long it had been. But silence had settled the entire room. My tears had dried but I had no strength left to even lift up my head. I could only opened my heavy eyes and just stared aimlessly at the carpeted floors.

"What I did to you and to Noh  is unforgivable", Dad's voice came through the silence. His somber voice cuts like a knife to me. "I regretted it son, I regretted it every single day that I saw you crying...crumbling before my very eyes. I..i'm sorry..I wish this words we're enough..but I know it's not..b- but it's all I can ask.". I could sense the agony in each word Dad said.

"For not believing in you..i'm sorry..for treating your love like it was nothing..i'm sorry..for abandoning your love..i'm sorry..for not being an understanding father ..i'm sorry..For hurting you for my pride and honor..i'm sorry. But believed me son, I'd thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was loving you the right way. I never realized, that by protecting you, I became your prosecutor. I---I hurt you more than those  people whom I feared would criticized you. I feared society would not be kind to you, in the kind of love who chose for yourself, I was afraid they would hurt you..but I turn out to be worst than them."

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