Something Like Shame (BWWM)

Chapter 13

...I had to savor what bit we had left. Maybe, that was my hubris...

"I won't question your past as long as you do do the same. Alright?" He caught my hand in his and kissed it to soften the blow.

I nodded complacently but, fed up of the after-taste that lingered on my tongue, I lurched forward and guzzled the Honey Jack Daniels before instantly gagging. It was not pleasant, but it numbed my taste buds which was exactly what I needed. "You drink this- all the time?"

He snatched it out of my hands, shocked, "Yes, but you shouldn't."

"I shouldn't be here either, but I am. So, why not drink to being a terrible human being?"

"We're not terrible human beings-" He started.

"-according to you."

"No. According to history, we're doing what comes naturally: tasting the forbidden fruit, so to speak. That's okay. It's essential, actually, to our existence. Simple experimentation. And this age gap is hardly a rift at all. That's all there is to it."

"Adam and Eve paid for it later."

"And so will we."

"Eve paid for it nearly threefold, if I'm not mistaken."

"And so it goes naturally."

"That's awfully unfair."

He frowned down at me, suddenly wry of tone, "Plenty of awful and 'unfair' things happen in the world. For instance, men you don't know make decisions that strongly affect your health and well-being everyday. Albino people in Africa are hacked apart in the name of luck. Yet, you have hardly the faintest clue. People of your race have dealt and still do endure inconsistencies-"

Smiling, "Black people? Treated unfairly? Well, you don't say..."

"Yes, African-American people do suffer." He scoffed, "I can see how that's a bit hard to take in."

"African-American? It's just us two in here. That's quite a mouthful and there are no 'thought policemen' walking around to arrest you for using a shorter term."

He rolled his eyes, "My point is that great things happen to terrible people and, often times, vice versa."

"Am I a great thing?"

"Yes."

"So... Are you a terrible person?"

He let out an exasperated sigh, "No, but life's tricky, Henna, people simply do not care for you in the same way you may expect your mother to. Accepting the fact that inequality is a near after-thought these days will make your life a whole lot easier."

"I was just curious to know if you're used to this relationship-thing and now you're turning this into a teaching moment."

"Okay." He amended, "This relationship-thing, it's okay with me. It's what I want, but I also want my privacy."

"But what about something as innocent as curiosity?"

"There's nothing innocent about curiosity." Smilingly, he said, "It's privacy's worst nightmare and the bane of trust."

"It doesn't have to be if your secrets are just as innocent as mine. I sometimes stole an extra doughnut after Sunday Service. My old boss doesn't know that I was the one that left the dog poo on his lawn everyday for a whole week. Every now and then, I've cheated on my Chemistry tests because studying was futile. Your secrets cannot be that bad, can they?"

"Henna, please sleep."

The clock read that it was 1:14 in the morning and I was bone-tired, reeling from the events of that one night. Yet, I simply could not close my eyes for more than half a second. If the man had seen every inch my bare skin had to offer, what was it that scared me so badly? The fact that I didn't know him?