new years resolutions (long)

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it's not new year yet but i kinda want to think of my resolutions for 2019 since my family's going to tokyo for the new year (which the dormant weeaboo in me has been patiently waiting for since first grade) and we'd probably be too caught up traveling for me to just stop and think, so i'll do it now.

01. develop a better sense of time
my management style can honestly be easily summarized as organized chaos, wherein i have things mostly figured out, but the little bits that won't hurt longterm are sort of decided on the fly. like say for example i have three pts due pretty soon, i decide that i'll get the bulk of the work done within an entire thursday (since we have class on saturday but not thursday) and the little finer details on friday so that i can pass it on saturday. but when it gets to actually getting started, i take way too much time because i refuse to cut corners and i just continue to work for hours on end even if it's fairly late.

(quick story, but this did happen where we had to make a cube and decorate it with christmassy stuff so my stubborn ass went, "let's make a die, but then instead of dots it's a christmas ish stuff," which isnt a bad plan until i decided "how about i draw everything super detailed and print it out on my shitty printer which handles color horribly and doesn't show the details i spent so long on." but then i was about to stick then on the cube when i realized how bland it looked, so i cut all twenty one drawings and pasted them on this pastel pink colored paper and cut them again before pasting them on the cube which i cut from this really glossy folder so it handled glue horribly and i had to use double sided tape which is a nightmare bc of my shaky hands. in short: d i s a s t e r. i ended up getting an 82 there, which is fair enough)

it goes even past school stuff though. like when i get way too caught up in anything (reading, drawing, writing, etc) i just drag it out without even considering the time, which is how i managed to stay up until 6 am today because i thought rereading paper towns would be a perfectly good idea after a really tiring family gathering. like even if i wanted a healthy sleep schedule i just cant bc of my horrible time management.

02. challenge myself to draw outside of my comfort zone
i post some of the stuff i draw on ig, but bc im trying to fit my art within that limited box, i end up drawing busts or yoongi too much, even if i can draw much more than people. but i rarely find time to draw outside of break or when the homework load isnt as bad, and i constantly try to make sure i dont go too long without posting (even if no one really looks at my art other than my friends) so as a result i just keep drawing the same thing over and over. like i know you have to make time for the art you draw for yourself and the art you show others, but this imbalance makes it hard for me to improve, especially since i find myself distracted my sbts alot.

03. ffs don't spend entire afternoons on sbts
i love rhythm games and have invested a good chunk of the year into sbts and osu, but bc osu is on the shared family laptop, i don't get to play a lot, so ive been concentrating way too much on sbts. and even with my school deleting my games every damn day i am determined to redownload it along with crossy road every morning. but it's kind of become a problem where i'd just open it and say "one round of cypher pt 3" but end up trying to perfect baepsae for twenty minutes. i should probably try those app timer things that come with ios 12 which in retrospect why have i never tried that

04. don't jump to conclusions too quickly
a side effect of having a batch populated by some of the most spoiled and entitled bitches ive seen in my life, im predisposed to not trusting most people i meet at first, which makes making friends hard, alongside the fact that im ridiculously awkward irl to the point i can barely talk to the cashier lady for a receipt. family reunions too. maybe it's bc im just easily turned off my really loud people, but every 24th of december my mom drags the family to this huge gathering with all of my mother side relatives that i barely know save for my aunt and grandparents and it's a real pain in the ass for me and my brother to just sit in the corner every year and talk about life's woes and anime while everyone else has known each other since they first wore diapers. im sure that theyre not all bad and that they just so happen to be really extra people, but i just dont like the vibe they give off.

05. save money for clothes i actually want
this one might seem weird, but for most of my life i never really got the chance to choose what i want to wear bc my parents are hellbent on making me the """"perfect"""" daughter (prim and proper and wearing more feminine clothes and not swearing every other minute) but recently theyve been more lenient on my clothes, so i actually get to wear clothes i feel confident in (jeans, graphic tee, boots or sneakers) rather than a random blouse that barely fits me and brightly colored leggings and flats, which i absolutely loathe, because i don't like standing out and ive long associated outfits like those with arguments in clothing stores over the kinds of clothes i should be wearing because """""""girls should be feminine and prim and proper and not wearing grey and hoodies all the time""""""" so i figured that the only way to avoid the problem is to save up for clothes i actually want to wear and dont make me feel like a puppet for my parents to show off at family gatherings (it might just be a chinese parent thing) rather than myself who i actually feel confident in. like when i look in the mirror and im wearing the clothes i feel comfortable in because it represents the image that i want to have rather than what my parents want. plus ever since theyve been more lenient on that, ive gotten a massive boost in the self esteem ive been lacking for years and i dont feel like just curling up in a ball when im out in the open because i feel like myself which i dont have to hide.

oh wow that got deep um

advanced happy new year ish?? plus this weird thing my brother sent to me once

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advanced happy new year ish?? plus this weird thing my brother sent to me once

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