Chapter 19

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- Caspar's POV -

It was almost funny how you could be in a room full of people and still feel incredibly lonely. There was only one person I wanted... needed... to see here and I knew he wasn't coming. I called up a bunch of our friends, asking them to come over. They knew I was feeling down but I didn't tell him why. I couldn't. Not yet.

Tyler was drunk as usual. I saw Troye silently counting the number of drinks he was having. 

"Where's Joeeee?" I heard a voice behind me slur. Marcus's voice.

"Not here." I said turning to look at Marcus. He gave me a goofy smile.

"Why not? Aren't you guys like. In love?" He asked, staring at me.

"I'd rather not talk about it." I answered, as I grabbed another drink, and gulped it down.

Someone knocked me down and I fell to the floor. 

"Sorry!" Troye called out, as he was being dragged away by Tyler.

"Let's go somewhere where it'll be easier to talk." Marcus said, as he grabbed my hand and helped me up. I nodded.

Once we got to my room, Marcus silently shut the door behind us. 

"You know, Caspar? I could be Joe for you for a little while. If it'll make you feel better."

My conscience was screaming No! But my drunken sad lonely self needed a little Joe right now. Maybe if I just closed my eyes...

I felt Marcus's lips hit mine. His lips weren't calming and soft like Joe's, his lips were forceful. But I shut my eyes as tightly as I could and pictured Joe's face in my mind. His lips moved down to my neck, as he began to suck on it. 

I felt my breathing stop for a moment, as I said breathlessly, "Joe." 

Marcus froze for a moment, snapping me back to reality. 

"Maybe this isn't a good idea." I said, as Marcus sat up to meet my eyes.

"Will you just trust me, Caspar." Marcus said in his best Joe impersonation (which kind of sucked to tell the truth), as his lips forcefully met mine once again. 

Will you just trust me, Caspar? If Joe had said that, I would have laughed at him. He didn't need to ask for my trust, it was already there. It was his trust in me that I had broken.

"I'm such a fucking idiot." I heard the words aloud but didn't remember saying them. I had only been thinking them. Then I realized who's voice had said it. My head snapped to the door where Joe was standing. Joe had said it.

He stood there just staring, anger, sadness, and a broken look in his eyes.

 "Joe, wait! It isn't what it looks like!" I yelled.

"Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah when you were making out with Marcus before. Just forget it Caspar. I was an idiot for thinking I was going to forgive you and everything would be all happily ever after. Nothing ever ends like that when it's with you Caspar." Joe said, his entire body shaking with anger. 

"Joe, wait a minute man, he was feeling sad because you weren't here and-" Marcus started.

"So he decided to kiss some other guy," Joe didn't even say Marcus's name, "I'm glad I dodged a bullet. If we were dating and got into a fight Caspar would just run off to some other guy to make himself feel better. But what about me? Do my feelings matter at all? Or are they something you just like to play with, Caspar? You make me fall in love with you just to stop all over my heart." Joe's voice was hoarse and dry. 

Joe stepped out of the doorway and slammed the door behind him. I heard his footsteps as he quickly ran away. Every bone in my body wanted to run after him, but I knew nothing I could say would fix this.

"Caspa-" Marcus started, rubbing his hand on my back.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I screamed, "GET AWAY JUST GET AWAY! ARE YOU HAPPY? YOU RUINED EVERYTHING AGAIN!" I collapsed into tears. "GO. AWAY!" I screamed again.

Marcus looked fightened and hurt, but he obediantly left the room.

I knew it wasn't fair to blame Marcus. I mean, he was partly in the wrong. But it me who was most wrong. I knew I shouldn't have allowed myself to do what I did with Marcus. I truly was thoughtless. 

Troye opened the door to my room, and silently sat on the bed next to me.

"So. I saw Joe run out." Troye said. 

If it were anyone else, I wouldn't have said a word. But it was Troye. And Troye was a great listener, and I knew I could trust him. I explained everything, everything. I went on and on but Troye's eyes didnt glaze over in boredum he stayed content and wordlessly looked into my eyes and followed my story. 

"You need to tell him how much you care. Tell him over and over. Explain why you did what you did. You can't give up, Caspar. You can't unless you want to lose him. He was going to forgive you and it's obvious he's still in love with you. Don't give up. Chances are, since he still loves you declining your phone calls and texts will become more and more difficult for him. He'll give in." Troye said, as he gave me a huge grin, "I know you can do it, Caspar."

"Thanks Troye. I owe you a ton." I said. Troye only smiled.

"Well, I should get back out there. I need to stop Tilly from going over the top with his drinks." I smiled to myself. We all had our strong suspicions that Tyler and Troye had a secret thing going on.

As soon as Troye left the room, I pulled out my phone and called Joe over and over. I layed down on my bed, hitting the redial button constantly until I fell asleep to the ringing sound in my ear.

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