Chapter 15

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-Joe's POV-

I woke up in Caspar's car in the middle of our driveway. I turned my head and looked at Caspar, who had also been looking at me. I felt awkward suddenly, realizing he had probably been watching me sleep. A part of me was happy inside.

"I'm so glad you're staying." I said, smiling at him. When I had asked him to stay at the beginning of the car ride he had nodded. I couldn't tell if he was only staying so I wouldn't worry because he's a nice guy, or if he actually wanted to.

"Me too, Joe. Me too." Caspar replied.

"I can't thank you enough for saving me." I said, not being able to stop smiling from the memory.

For some reason, Caspar looked sad. Almost embarrassed maybe, "You've thanked me more than enough."

"I can thank you every day of my life, and it still wouldn't be enough." I said, looking into Caspar's eyes. Something seemed off about him.

"I can say the same thing." He said back.

"I'm glad you're my best friend." I said.

A wide smile spread across his face, "And I'm glad that you're mine."

My brain was still repeating his words. 'You're mine.' I knew he hadn't said it in the context my brain was making it out to be, but it still caused me to smile.

He unbuckled his seat belt and after I had unbuckled mine, Caspar opened my door for me. I prayed that I wasn't blushing too hard. I can't. I can't. I won't.

Caspar and I walked up to the door together, and I opened it.

"FUCK CASPAR THANK GOD!" I heard a voice say as I was taking of my shoes. I looked up. Marcus.

He raced over and hugged Caspar, a relieved look on his face. Caspar couldn't help but smile back.

"How'd you get in?" Caspar asked, breaking from the hug so he could look at Marcus.

"Zoe let me in, she left a few minutes ago though. I was so worried when she told me what happened." He ran his fingers through his hair as he exhaled.

I bit my lip, and tried not to be jealous. He and Caspar had a closer relationship than I would ever reach. I mean they KISSED. I knew I shouldn't be jealous of that since I was trying to stop loving Caspar, but I couldn't help it. I had always suspected Caspar had feelings for Marcus, but couldn't reveal them because Marcus was with Niomi.

As I watched them stare happily into each other's eyes happily I rememered Niomi! Perfect! I could just subtly ask about Niomi so Caspar would remember he can't like Marcus like that and vice versa.

"So how's Niomi?" Wow. Way to be subtle, Joe.

They both turned to look at me. Marcus pressed his lips together tightly before sighing and saying, "I broke up with her."

Shit. This was not the reaction I expected to get. I could only hope Caspar wouldn't try to pursue Marcus now.

"But maybe this is a good thing. If they get together it can help you get over Caspar. Anyway, Marcus is much better for Caspar than you anyway. He's better looking, more funny and just all in all a better match. You don't stand a chance against him." My conscience said.

"Awwwww Marcus!" Caspar cooed, as he wrapped his arms tighter around Marcus'a body, "I'm so sorry. Do you wanna talk about it?"

Marcus sighed, "I kinda just wanna hang out and try to forget about it instead."

"Okay, let's go to my room. We can find things to do that will keep your mind off Niomi." Caspar said, grabbing Marcus's hand and leading him off.

I stood there, shocked for a moment. My conscience was telling me to be happy but my heart was jealous and sad. I considered going into Caspar's room with them to prevent them from getting too close. But I didn't want to be the awkward third wheel when it was obvious I wasn't invited to go with them.

I was used to being a third wheel. Most of the YouTubers in my friend group had known each other for a long time. I was kind of the guy that was forced in because he was Zoellas brother. I mean, I got along with everyone but I just wasn't as close with them. They'd invite me on their outings but they'd have inside jokes, or old places they remembered that I wasn't included in.

Caspar's door was usually open at least a little bit because his room got really hot. So I figured my best bet was just to try to listen to what they were saying. I felt like a creeper, but I couldn't help my curiosity.

I tip toed down to Caspar's room, and sighed. His door was closed. I glared at the door for a moment, before I heard a noise inside.

I pressed my ear against the door and leaned against it trying to hear. I was wrong about the door being closed. It must not have been clicked completely shut because as soon as I leaned against the door it opened. I fell to the ground, my head hitting the floor first. I rubbed my head with my hands, groaning in pain before looking up.

I immediately forgot about the pain, as I couldn't help a single tear from slipping from my eye. Caspar and Marcus were frozen in place, their lips locked. It was a much more passionate kiss than the one I had seen in their video.

"I-I'm sorry." I stammered, as my voice cracked.

Realization must have hit them suddenly because they immediately pulled apart. I dashed out of the room, into my own room locking the door behind me.

Why did I do this to myself? I knew what would be happening and yet I forced myself to go and try to listen.

Screw everything, I was gay. I was full out and incredibly gay. I tried to push it away because I was scared, but the truth hit me in the face. I was gay and in love with Caspar. But that doesn't matter anyway. I pushed away my only chance to ever get with him, and let him slip away into Marcus'a grasp. Why did I think I was good enough for Caspar anyway? I reminded myself Marcus was better for him anyway. But the tears wouldn't stop running down my face.

I heard a knock on the door, followed by Caspar's voice yelling, "JOE! It wasn't what it looked like! Listen-"

I couldn't listen anymore. I covered my ears blocking any noise. Caspar was lying to me. It was exactly what it looked like. They were kissing. How could I confuse seeing their tongues down each other's throats.

As my ears were covered, I shut my eyes and repeated in my head, 'I am not in love with Caspar Lee.' Thinking that if I repeated it enough it might come true. But as I opened my eyes, I realized I was still in love with him.

I uncovered my ears. The yelling was gone, but I heard crying outside my door. The crying sounds were unmistakably Caspar's. I considered going to comfort him because that's what I always did. I loved taking care of him. But I guessed that he was crying because maybe Marcus left. Maybe Marcus realized he couldn't be in a gay relationship or something. Either way I couldn't comfort Caspar on his problems with Marcus. I was broken, and I'd rather try to keep the pieces of myself that were left than let Caspar finish them off by smashing them with a hammer he didn't know he had.

-A/N to be honest Marcus Butler is hella fine but I ship jaspar all the way. I was originally going to have Caspar and Joe talk about their feelings in this chapter but Marcus kinda showed up out of no where o_o.

I'm both mad at Marcus for getting in the way, but I'm also happy because he really sped up the process for Joe to finally accept that he's gay and in love.

Alsooo over 600+ reads? Thats insaneeeeeee!! If you're reading this ilysm

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