Chapter 14

35K 1K 359

-Caspar's POV (finally)-

If there's one thing Joe isn't, it's a liar. He may hide his feelings, or dim the truth a bit, but as long as I have known him he has not full on lied to me. Unless it was for part of a joke or something. It was selfish and cruel of me but the pleading innocent desperate look on his face had me mesmerized. The whole time he was talking about Scott, I knew he was telling the truth. But I let him continue talking because I was in awe of the way his facial expressions and tones changed to ones I have never seen or heard before.

As Scott was talking, I was only staring at Joe. I was worried and confused because his expression changed once again. He looked sick. Like, beyond sick. And the moment after he was falling.

My heart dropped to my stomach as I rushed over to the edge of the cliff and watch him fall.

"JOE!"I screamed, tears swimming in my eyes, "DON'T DIE! I CAN'T LOSE YOU AGAIN!" I knew it wasn't the most thoughtful thing to say, but my mind was at a blank. I wasn't sure if he even heard me anyway.

I've been told I'm very kind and thoughtful for others. But I didn't come close to Joe. I still remember the day, at this very place, that Joe saved me. I never thanked him, and he never expected a thanks. And here we are in the same situation but the roles are switched. And now that's it's my turn to be a hero, I don't know if I can step up and do what I know I should. I was a coward. Jump, Caspar, JUMP! I wanted to save him, but my legs wouldn't move. I kept telling myself before that I should have gone with Joe to protect him. But now I realize I would have only gotten in the way more. Joe would have been the one trying to protect me. Because I was weak and selfish. 

I heard the sound of rocks being moved, and looked to my right. Scott wasn't there. He must have ran off. I heard a splashing in the water seconds later and then it hit me. Scott had gone after Joe. To save him? To finish what he started when he and the gang he was in beat him? All I knew was he did what I couldn't. And all I could do was stand there. I was able to drive off the cliff for myself. But when I needed to jump off for Joe, I couldn't. 

I layed down on my stomach, to try and stop myself from throwing up. I looked over the edge. Waves crashed against the cliff, and I spotted Scott carrying Joe, both his arms wrapped around him as the waves carried them both closer to shore. I thanked God that the wind permitted the waves to help them.

I watched as almost in slow motion as Scott reached shore, and wrapped Joe's arms around his back as he walked, dragging him along. Scott looked up at me, and shook his head. I didn't know what it meant. But I hated that Scott was the one who saved Joe and not me. As Scott went out of view, I turned over onto my back, and stared at the sky. 

Joe said he wanted to live with me. He said he loved me as a best friend. He didn't blame me, he wasn't mad at me. Joe was everything I wanted to be. Kind, heroic, and forgiving. I was nothing. So long as Joe as alive and wants me around my existance has a lot more meaning. My life seemed to revolve around Joe. In the end that ended up breaking me but it was worth it. So long as Joe was still smiling all those sad feelings were worth it. But if Joe ends up gone, because I couldn't save him this time, I won't be able to forgive myself.

I don't remember falling asleep, but I woke up being shaken. I opened my eyes slowly. Scott was standing above me, an angry look in his eyes.

"You say you love him, but you can't even save him. You just stand there like a coward and wait for someone else to do what you should have done. If this is how you treat those you love, then forget my offer of you living with me. You're not who I thought he was." He spat angriliy.

I sat up, and heard slight movements. I looked over and saw Joe lying a couple feet away from me, as he shut his eyes tightly before opening them.

"What happened?" He asked groggily rubbing his eyes.

"You passed out and fell over the cliff into the water." Scott answered.

"Caspar saved me?" Joe asked, staring at me.

I opened my mouth but Scott answered instead, "Yeah he did. He was amazing." He said it in monotone, before walking off.

"Caspar, I can't thank you enough. I owe my life to you. I'm at a loss for words of how thankful I am." Joe said, smiling, really smiling at me.

"Any...anytime." I felt horrible, but I couldn't tell him the truth. "But anyway, let's just go home." I helped him up, and he leaned into my shoulder. 

Something clicked in his head, and he went off into a ramble, "Oh but I remember I was saying Scott really was part of the gang! I swear I was telling the honest truth! Also I really want you to stay in the apartment Caspar! You mean everything to me! Please don't leave me again I-"

"Joe." Was all I could say. I cut him off because I didn't deserve to hear what he was saying. Here was this perfect heroic amazing guy pleading with ME to move back in with HIM?

I was the one who should be at his feet begging for his forgiveness. But I let Scott lie to let me be the hero. I let Joe feel bad to apologize to me. What has become of me?

I helped Joe into the shotgun seat of my car. 

"Really Caspar, I mean it when I say thank you. So will you move back in?" Joe asked, staring at me. A nearvous look shined in his eyes.

I only nodded, I didn't want to speak again, because I feared I would say something that would mess everything up again.

Despite everything, I was still in love with Joe. It felt like the only thing I was sure of in my life. 

--A/N Soooo I'm not really sure what's happening next. I have a general idea but I'm thinking of changing it, so if the next chapter doesn't come out for  a while it's because I'm still figuring things out.

I also can't believe this almost hit 500 reads! I would have been happy with even 1 and I can't thank you guys enough O: I know it may not seem like a lot to some people but it means the world to mee~

He Loves Me... Not? || Jaspar Fanfic (Caspar lee x Joe Sugg)Read this story for FREE!