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"I continue to build a wall...
You were so strong, I fell to my knees...
And I don't think I can handle this at all..."

Song: Stevie Nicks - If I Ever Did Believe


"So she makes a spell, for her true love and makes it about a man that could never exist so she never has to fall in love?" Harry asks, as he runs his fingers through my hair while my head is perched on his lap.

"Mmm'yeah, because of the curse on the women in their family" I reply sounding almost drunk, being so relaxed from him playing with my hair.

"That's really sad" he notes, seeming distracted "Does she end up finding him?"

I smile to myself shrugging "You'll have to watch the movie and find out"

I pull my knees up closer to myself, laid on my side on the couch, while Harry's lap acts as a pillow, with him slumped against the corner lazily.

We decided to watch a movie after breakfast, I think we both had a lot on our minds and our routine of watching movies together seems to ease both our brains when we can just enjoy each others company in silence, unless we both spend the whole time quoting the movie to each other.

For once I actually put on a movie that Harry hadn't seen, but it was still one of my favourites.

Practical Magic.

The soundtrack to this movie is amazing, Stevie Nicks version of the song crystal holding a special place with me.

Harry huffs slightly, not seeming to enjoy that I know what happens and he doesn't, and also that we won't have time to finish the movie because we have to go down to the bar and get ready to open soon.

"I loved this movie so much when I was younger, I actually did something similar to her thinking it would work" I say, laughing lightly and scrunching my nose at how ridiculous it was.

"You mean you tried making a spell about a woman that didn't exist so you didn't have to fall in love?" he clarifies, curiosity peaking in his voice.

"Well, I didn't know it was a woman back then" I laugh "But yeah, it was one particularly bad year after my mum died, on her birthday, my dad took it really hard. I watched how heartbroken he was for years..." my voice trails off softly towards the end, this isn't something I usually ever talk about.

"Why didn't you want to fall in love?" he asks gently, tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear.

"It looked like it hurt too much"

Watching how much losing my mother broke my dad was almost worse than losing her, because it felt like I lost both of them. He was never the same after that, a part of him died with her too, and from that day I swore I'd never love anything as much as he loved her, so I'd never have to be broken that way.

Harry stays quiet, taking his hand and rubbing it up and down my back reassuringly, he seems to grasp this isn't the easiest thing for me to discuss, and if you asked why I felt comfortable enough to tell Harry things I haven't even told Dylan, I couldn't tell you.

"But you're in love now, right?" he murmurs, pausing his movements.

"As close to it as I could get I think, I guess it must be"

"Why do you say it like that?"

"Because it hurts a lot too" I sigh out quietly, as I sit up.

This is why I don't like talking about things, it gets too overwhelming, and I think about things I'd really prefer not to.

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