epilogue ; the escape

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I had adventures when I was a girl.

I still can't get over it all. I've told bits and pieces of my story to my therapist whom I've been seeing for the past fifteen or so years, although of course they don't know it's true. There is a part of me that would love to spill my guts on everything however I can't betray that trust. I promised him that I wouldn't tell anyone of my involvement.

My husband knows about my therapy. I've simply told him it's to help with my bad anxiety and depression which is true but it's also to help with the trauma of it all.

I don't think he knows just how messed up my teenage and early adult years were. It's funny though, because it was all right under his nose.

I actually met him through Natalia. Her and I decided to stay in touch after everything that happened. She gave me a job at the car wash and helped me get back on my feet. I think she did it because it was what her brother would've wanted.

Anyways I met my husband one day when him and his mother came to the car wash. I was working the register. I didn't know that he was Natalia's cousin, I only knew that he was cute.

Long story short, I saved up some money and was able to go to college. We ended up going to the same colleges and he proposed to me one night after having dinner. He dropped the ring twice because his hands were shaking so bad.

All throughout college I had no idea as to what I wanted to do in life. I felt so out of place.

I'd found the one thing I was good at but it was all over. I had to turn to a different chapter.

It was in my sophomore year that I finally decided what I wanted to major in. Chemistry. I wanted to be a science teacher. I think it's safe to say that there was a certain persom who had influenced me into choosing that career path.

There isn't a day that goes by without thinking about it. It's been over for decades and I escaped completely unscathed. I couldn't say the same for him though.

He died in the only place he ever felt alive.

Everyone made him out to be this evil monster. But what would've happened if someone would have just helped him when he needed it? If he hadn't been completely alone would things have turned out differently?

I don't know. Probably not, but I don't know.

People said he was a good man and then he changed.

He never changed because he was never good. Nobody is good; anyone is capable of acts of pure terror.

Although he'll always be special to me. At this point I don't even know how to feel about him or everything that happened. I can say this, he saved my life and I'm grateful for that. I think he will always have a piece of my heart.

I even wrote down the recipe and buried it in a box under my favorite tree. I didn't need to write it down though, I still remember every single instruction and detail. It's something I'll always remember until the day I die.

I'll never forget the day we decided to start breaking bad.

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